You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
Having your tooth chipped by a stripper’s flying foot. A high heel to the head. Some men would actually pay extra for this.
This next story is from the – “how the hell does this happen department and why would you sue a stripper?”
DATELINE: INDIANAPOLIS, Indiana
A man is suing a strip club alleging that a dancer’s heel smashed him in the mouth, chipping his teeth.
Hey buddy, haven’t you ever heard of the three foot rule?
You paid to be up close in the action, and sometimes you get more than you bargained for.
You think the crowd at the Gallagher show is scared sitting in the front row? You think the old couple from Fresno is calling their lawyer because the entertainer smashed some water melon goo on their shirts? If you sit in the front row of an Ozzie concert, you might end up covered with bat feces.
That’s life in the front row pal.
So you chipped your teeth? Bummer. I bet it really hurts when you eat Quiche.
My advice. Quit your crying and enjoy the experience. Start selling the story as “Hey I got up close and personal with a woman who is sculpted like a Greek statue. I was within the golden Aura of every man’s fantasy, and the beauty smashed me in the mouth.”
This is a woman you could never talk to in real life dude. Play it for all it’s worth.
Instead, you hire a lawyer.
LOSER!
The lawyer claims that the stripper did a high kick and you took one to the choppers. I say Live with it.
If you’re so concern about your Pepsodent smile, next time you go to a Gentleman’s club wear a mouth piece.
Or better yet, if you are so upset about dental mishaps, next time pass the strip club and go to the soup kitchen. Nobody’s suing homeless guys who spill hot soup on your groin, right?
“The strip club had a duty to protect its customers and it did not do that,” Jake “four chipped teeth” Quagliaroli’s attorney said. “They need to make sure people are wearing the right kind of clothes and [that those clothes] are not flying off.”
What good is a strip show if clothes are not flying off? If clothes weren’t flying off, nobody is coming to see the show. It defeats the purpose, kind of like you chasing ambulances without getting paid.
What’s next? you want to take away the brass pole because someone might pull a calf muscle? A fire fighter might see it and get PTSD? Gimme a break.
The lawyer argues that his client, Quagliaroli was standing about 20 feet away from the stage when he was hit in the mouth.
20 feet? You sure you weren’t close enough to shove a dollar in a
g-string?
“He was bleeding [and] his front four teeth were chipped,” the lawyer said. “It was not a situation where it was a light tap on the face. It hit him with quite a bit of force.”
Nobody said looking at naked women comes without risk. What if a flying tassel had taken out his eye?
All I know is that suing a stripper for stripping is repulsive. It’s like suing a teacher for teaching or a baker for baking. It just somehow seems un-American.
I hope you lose your law suit and your teeth don’t get fixed. I hope that it hurts whenever you chew. I hope that women scorn you forever and people stare at your teeth when they talk to you.
Because of your stripper related injury, I foresee that women find you so repulsive that you have to move from the oral hygiene capitol of the Midwest to London where your chipped teeth will allow you to meld with the populous in a fractured smile kind of anonymity.
and that is crazy.