You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy!™
Discriminating against little people and their little people parts.
DATELINE: ACROSS THE POND
Oxford University recently announced it is rejecting a “Dwarf Penis Pulling Act.”
DWARF*PULLING*PENIS*ACT
I don’t think I have ever put those four words together in that order before. It’s kind of a unique literary moment, but also kind of sad.
Dwarf Penis Pulling?
Who even knows what the hell that is? I sure didn’t till I began this in depth investigation.
Do you go to the yellow pages and look under Dwarf? Under Penis? Do you google super elastic epidermis?
“Cancelling the Penis Pull.”
Do you announce that in a press conference where the Chancellor of the most prestigious university in the world says.
“We here at Oxford have decided that a tiny person who lets trowsers down and performs circus acts with his anatomy is not a suitable undertaking for this university.”
How dare you Oxford, how dare you? And you call yourself a bastion of higher learning. Isn’t the goal to learn, to push the envelope, to experience new things?
What could be more unique than Dwarf Penis Pulling?
I for one feel that watching a dwarf pull a kitchen appliance with his incredible man junk would be educational if not down right impressive.
What a help this gentleman would be around the house: “Hey little man can you help me move the sofa? I think I lost a quarter.”
So what does it say about society when a circus dwarf who pulls appliances with his penis won’t be allowed to perform his unique talent?
Maybe it says there is still some semblance of rationality in the world.
According to published reports, Daniel “Demon Dan” Blackner (he’s the crazed dude in the photo with the smiling vaccum attached to his special place) does not agree. The mighty might was all set to entertain at the college’s May festival when the University started asking questions like:
“Hey is that Dwarf really going to pull a Maytag washer with his penis?”
Honestly, just asking this question is crazy?
What the hell was Oxford thinking in the first place?
I could see Zoo Mass booking Demon Dan, but Oxford?
Who is Oxford’s booking agent? Steve-O of Jack Ass?
“Hey look Steve-O. The brochure says this Dwarf has an amazingly resilient penis that apparently is devoid of pain receptors with a towing capacity of 2000 pounds per square inch. It says here when he is not moving refrigerators with his groin he doubles as a tiny tow truck specializing in Mini Coopers.”
Demon Dan disagrees. “I have a brilliant resume after featuring as an Ewok in a Star Wars film and various Muppet movies as a flying teddy bear.”
Funny! I don’t remember seeing any Ewoks pulling Darth Vadar out of the death star with their manhood.
Way to go Oxford.
And that is crazy.™