crazy gifts

You know what’s crazy?I’ll tell you what’s crazy™

NOTHING.

NOTHING IS CRAZY.

It’s the Crazy Christmas Gift that says everything by saying NOTHING.

I’m on a web site for gifts, crazy gifts, off color gifts, and that’s when I see it:

Crazy Gift #11

Nestled in between the fetus cookie cutter and the coffee mug with the automatic stirrer, I see NOTHING.

I stare at the grey package with understated writing and hard to define markings.

Is it a light bulb?

Is it a snow globe?

Is it a magnifying glass?

What the hell is that?

I squint at the packaging.

The font is small, light grey. written on dull white.

Terrible Marketing concept for old dudes I think to myself.

The package is so bland, you’d think it was designed by mute monks in Tibet.

And that’s when I see it.

NOTHING.

That’s right, NOTHING.

For the person who doesn’t deserve anything, now you can give them NOTHING.

NOTHING is the gift that says everything, when you want to give someone something that really lets them know they deserve NOTHING.

NOTHING costs $9.99.

So when you get down to it, even NOTHING costs something.

But NOTHING is worth it.

What is NOTHING?

It’s a package with a clear air pocket with nothing in it.

The package looks like it contains something, but it is nothing more than fancy air packaged in a round smooth plastic box.

NOTHING shoves your Christmas expectations squarely up your Hoo Ha like a box of NOTHING!

The package says: Congratulations. You have received absolutely nothing. This is the absolute in minimalism. Less is more. More is less. NOTHING is simple. NOTHING is precious. NOTHING is sacred. Open the package and be enthralled when NOTHING happens. Savor the moment. Soon you will learn that NOTHING really is better than something.

Brilliant.

And did I mention that it only costs $9.99

I’ve wasted more money on dirty tissue before.

Little did I know I could get my money’s worth by giving someone NOTHING.

When you give someone NOTHING, it says to them; make no mistake, you deserve something and that something I’m giving you is NOTHING.

I know it’s a gag gift, but it’s fiendishly clever.

It’s a pet rock with a bad attitude.

At least with the pet rock, you got to hold something, to name it, to put it under your pillow.

With NOTHING, well once you open up your hermetically sealed containment vessel, the moment pretty much evaporates into the ether.

It’s packaging that promises NOTHING and delivers.

NOTHING.

Get NOTHING for someone you love today.