You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™
Googling yourself.
Don’t tell me you don’t do it. You do it. We all do it. We like to do it. We want to do it.
It’s the equivalent of looking into the internet mirror and seeing what turns up.
Do you have warts from 1989? Do you like your hair parted in the middle in that wind storm off the coast of Florida in 1997?
Google Images can be an unkind keeper of the memories.
It’s all based on algorithms of time and space.
Facebook uses algorithms to find friends of friends of friends who might know you.
Sometimes Facebook just posts ads of fake girls with big boobs looking for boy friends.
I’m not even sure what that means.
Google uses similar technology to scoop up the cosmic dust of the internet and find imagery related to your search parameters.
So on this day, I Googled andycordan.com; the web site that preceded Life’s Crazy Dot Com.
I still own andycordan.com but it has been packed in mothballs for over a year. I was interested in dusting off the cyber cobwebs and taking a look at what was lurking beneath the surface.
What I found was both illuminating and perplexing.
Suddenly imagery from all over the planet starts showing up.
I quickly see Life’s Crazy art and images of me working crime scenes.
Some of it makes sense. Some of it is right out of the cyber left field.
I see many images of Taylor Swift. There are so many pictures of Taylor Swift, you’d think she was my ex-wife or I had been arrested for stalking her.
Why so many pictures of Taylor Swift?
Ask Google Images.
I can only surmise that I have written stories about her – Kayne West stealing her thunder at the MTV awards – and a news story about a box of her mail showing up in a dumpster.
But like a pirate with a treasure map, Google Images has loaded my search with an X marks the spot and that X is Taylor Swift.
Taylor on magazine covers. Taylor on the red carpet. Taylor with curly hair, Taylor with long straight hair. Taylor just being Taylor.
But Google Images and its unpredictable algorithm of cyber roulette has also loaded pictures of Former Titan Coach Jeff Fisher. His mustache is Harpo Marx thick and his face worn from an NFL life of coaching losing teams.
There’s a picture of a cop’s mid section. No face. No explanation. Simply a picture of a law man, his 9mm revolver, his deputy badge and a big stomach hanging over his belt.
What the hell does that have to do with andycordan.com
Ask Google Images.
What is Google thinking? Where does the internet search engine go in one millisecond to find this image amidst a junk yard of infinite possibilities all prompted by me.
I see an old news segment called the Crazy Confessional. I see a head shot from News rooms gone by where my face has more jiggles than Roseanne Bar’s underarms. And then there’s a picture of a white SUV.
A white SUV? Why? What does a white SUV have to do with AndyCordan.com
It looks like my news vehicle, but it is not. Is it a vehicle from a story I did? It’s so random, so Google-icious.
Crazy.
I scroll down. I see a pile of pills. I see police crime scene. I see a donkey.
A donkey?
You see what I’m saying.
It’s unpredictable like a case of a paint falling out of a truck on the interstate. It explodes against a guard rail creating an ink blot that only Sigmund Freud could appreciate.
So the next time you look in the mirror; be glad it’s not made by Google. appreciate that the face you see is the face you expect to see.
If you look in the mirror and you see Taylor Swift, either be very afraid, or be prepared to have a boy friend break up song written about you.
Life’s Crazy™