You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
All the ways humans choose to avoid blame.
The all time greatest excuse, my dog ate my homework, just got a run for its money with the excuse: “my GPS told me to turn left.”
Now that’s Crazy!
DATELINE: NORTHBRIDGE, Mass.
It’s here that Patricia Malone says she drove her car into a sand trap on a golf course because her GPS told her to.
It’s like that All State commercial where that Chaos character is seated on the floor boards screaming “TURN LEFT NOW!”
Hilarious to be sure, but Believable?
This is either the biggest lie the woman could conceive on short notice, or she is truly the world’s worst driver.
Malone says her GPS told her to turn left, so she did.
“TURN LEFT NOW!”
According to police; “Malone said that left brought her into a cornfield and once she was in the cornfield she kept driving trying to get out of the cornfield.”
Ah. That makes perfect sense. NOT!
Let me get this straight. There’s a cornfield to the left of your car. You can’t help but notice this cornfield to the left of your car because it is massive like cornfields tend to be. Stalks of corn rise above your car blotting out the sun. There are rows of soft dirt that keep trying to grab your tires. Every fiber in your driving being should be telling you to move to the right.
And Your GPS suddenly screams TURN LEFT and you leave a perfectly good road to enter a cornfield?
And once in the cornfield you drive blindly, full speed ahead, stalks of corn smashing your windshield like a corn activated car wash. You are blind, and stupid, driving 45 mph through dirt and 8 foot tall corn stalks, as if you are being chased by a zombie in a hockey mask and still you continue on?
Then suddenly, you exit the mysterious cornfield onto a golf course. And instead of hitting the brakes to get your bearings, to wipe your forehead and say “whew, that cornfield was a bitch to get out of” you floor it across a golf course into a sand trap?
Is that the story you plan on telling the judge? I would take a mulligan on this one lady.
After some careful interrogation the truth begins to emerge.
According to police, Malone failed a corn field sobriety test and later admitted to drinking a half bottle of vodka.
Ah when she said the GPS told her to make a left turn, she actually meant to say “I just drank a bottle of Vodka and my equillibrium went to hell in a handbasket your honor.”
“I don’t even like golf,” Malone reportedly told the arresting officer.
I don’t even like golf? now that’s an interesting excuse for a DUI, isn’t it?
Blaming your alcohol problem on golf and GPS.
Now that is crazy. ™