beer is good

Learning after four decades of imbibing that beer is good for you.

Thank the lord and pass the nuts.

Benjamin Franklin said it best: “Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”

You said it Benny Boy. You said it! And this guy is best remembered for flying a kite in an electrical storm? In my book, Benny Franklin is a true hero of hops, barley and the American Way!

According to askmen.com: The average American guy drinks about 23 gallons of beer, 15 pints of wine and 10 pints of spirits every year. All in all, each year, about 200 million barrels (that’s 6.2 billion gallons) of beer are produced, and we buy about $116 billion worth of alcoholic beverages.

My college dorm drank 116 billion dollars worth of alcohol in one semester. My roommate

beer-bonged a quart of tequila in one swallow. I watched a friend set his face on fire doing something he called a flaming green lizard. I just remember the alcohol on his face burning in a deep blue and orange hue. He was so hammered he was laughing like a drunken hyena.

The study says beer is good! That’s a rather tepid understatement. I would say sex is good. Doubling down on 11 and getting a king is good. Putting the top down on a sports car and flooring it through the Vegas Desert, that is good. Thong Bikini’s are good.

Beer is higher up the food chain of life than good. Beer is not just good, it’s Grand, bordering on celestial, perhaps even etherial.

When you climb Mt. Sinai, God doesn’t give you commandments, he hands you a Heineken. That is the spiritual power of beer!

Not that beer needs any more superlatives, but new reports paint an even rosier beer picture than a beer glutton could hope for.

The fact that dudes dig beer is not a shocker. Dudes like scratching themselves in public and rocket – blowing snot out of their nose while holding one nostril. That much we know.

But now the men’s on line bible; askmen.com is literally raising the bar with the question:

The men’s on line magazine quotes studies that suggest, when consumed in moderation, beer has many health benefits. For instance, moderate amounts of alcohol may be good for the heart.

I know beer is good for my heart. When I am sad, it cheers me up. When I am happy, it makes me happier. When I am amorous, well it gives me something hard and icy to hold.

An Emory University study involving over 2,200 elderly men and women discovered that those who consumed at least 1.5 drinks daily had up to a 50% lesser risk of suffering from heart failure. Maybe they were too drunk to do anything more physical than drool and recline the Lazy-Boy.

Another study conducted by Germany, France and the United Kingdom found that moderate consumption of beer or wine may have anti-inflammatory properties, which can lower the risk coronary heart disease.

I don’t know about you, but the more I drink, the more inflammatory I tend to be.

I don’t have a PHD in human physiology, but I am a professor of suds-ology. So here are some of the health benefits I directly attribute to beer.

1) It transforms a 2 at 10pm into a 10 at 2 am.

2) It can lead to sex which can provide good cardio vascular activity.

3) It massages the brain, inducing liquid bravery and imaginary strength.

The French, who drink lots of red wine and have the highest per capita alcohol consumption, actually have one of the lowest rates of coronary heart disease mortality.

Of course the French not known for their bravery or risk taking may have less coronary heart disease because hiding and running away is not that stressful.

So the next time you drink a beer, don’t feel guilty, feel proud. Know that you are doing your body good and you are honoring Ben Franklin, a true pioneer, and a man who knew a good thing before it was popular to know.