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Monthly Archive for: ‘August, 2011’

You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™Idiots trying to smuggle animals through airports.What’s wrong with these people. Do they have a steel plate in their collective head? First it was monkeys then snakes and now it’s rare birds.Are you people high? Are you smoking Brillo pads laced with stupid? Have you ever heard of TSA? […]

You know what’s  crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy. The Global Puzzle! It’s a 600 piece ball buster show casing every single square foot of the Earth. It has every country, every line of latitude, every tiny island hiding in the Pacific. This puzzle is so comprehensive I swear it shows Sam the Hobo in […]

You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™ Hurricane Irene. The morning shows are alive with breaking news of the punishing winds and torrential rains. This monster storm is prompting unprecedented evacuations in New York City and blowing up Eastern North Carolina. The anchors talk in dark and ominous tones. They use words like: “impact zone” […]

You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™ Having the internal chemistry of a proton accelerator. You know what’s crazy? Being your own magnetic field. You know what’s crazy? placing a fork on your chest and it sticks This kid has exray eyes and a magnetism that is not quantifiable. Albert Einstein would go E […]

You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™ BULL SEMEN CLOSES HIGHWAY!I didn’t just make that up. That’s an actual headline because it actually happened. DATELINE: NASHVILLE, Tenn Traffic on I-65 was jam packed Tuesday morning because of strange canisters in the middle of the roadway. They looked like the landing gear from a UFO […]

You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™ Maggie goes on a diet. It’s a children’s picture book featuring a girl who is overweight and  unhappy. The book describes Maggie dreaming of a thinner self. It shows children teasing her, calling her fatty and chubby.  The book has pictures of a chunky Maggie opening […]

You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™ Going on a vacation and everyone in the world blasting you for it. Can you imagine stepping out of your Mazatlan Cabana, speedo snugly clinging to all your special man places, and people start booing you. Somebody pass the rotten vegetables please. Here’s the thing. All […]

You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™ Buying a car. It’s exciting, but it’s stressful. It’s a feeling of exhilaration followed by buyer’s remorse. It’s a feeling of what do I want versus what can I live with. So I’m standing at the car lot the other day and I’m ogling a 370Z convertible. […]

You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™Death brushing.What is death brushing?It’s a hair brush that could kill.How does it kill? Good question.In the hands of Son of Sam or Charles Manson it could become a dangerous instrument. You could take a filed down hair brush and shove it up a person’s nose so it […]

You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™Assigning sexual characteristics to puppets.Are the Teletubby’s gay?Is Barney the dinosaur a homo?Is Peppermint Patty ready to come out of the closet?Is the Cartoon Network going to break into programming to alert us? When does it end? Who cares? Apparently many people do, spending a lot of unnecessary time […]