You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy!™ The bar scene is crazy. Picture a Saturday night with the NFL playoffs blaring on every flat screen. The room is filled with neon beer signs and non descript music wafting down from the ceiling. There is a hum of energy in the room that is […]
You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy! Someone suddenly telling you that your Zodiac sign is wrong. This is like someone telling you that you’re adopted. It’s like someone telling you your puppy belongs to the neighbors and they are just letting you play with it. It’s a shock to the system like […]
You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy!™ Having sex with a corpse. I’m not talking about a lousy lay, I’m talking about actually engaging in relations with someone who is dead. This crime is so insane, it makes me gag. At what point does your libido say to your rational self: “Hey that dead girl is […]
You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy! ™ Space Sex. Talk about your high flying fantasy! Knocking boots in the celestial cosmos, can you even imagine? Slamming off walls and microwave ovens and the Hal 9000 computer. What fun! Hey baby we’re in the milky way, what do you say? People brag about […]
January 16, 1992 Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me some cash: January 10th. January 10th. That’s the day Dana’s Gynecologist predicted nine months months ago that we’d be having Baby-Cordan. What a putz Dr. Sapperfield is. January 10th!, yeah right!, like he’s going to be able to pull a date out of a hat like that.Dr. […]
You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™ Blaming a DUI on your cat. Who blames a DUI on a cat? A mouse? A tuna fish? A drunk that’s who. My cat made me do it! Jeeez. That’s like telling the teacher your dog ate your homework and then rolled it up into a fatty […]
You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy. Painting your body to avoid getting TAZED by the cops. Why not just wrap your head in tin foil and call to the alien task master to beam you up. Avoid being tasered? How is that suppose to work Einstein? You’d have a better chance wrapping […]
You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy!Going to an ice cream shop when it’s 18 degrees outside. It’s January and it’s cold. The weather man is on TV screaming about frontal systems and black ice.Run for your lives! Winter is upon us.It’s so cold on this night, that water has become the enemy. […]
You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™ Brushing your teeth with Comet. What do you think, your mouth is a toilet? DATELINE: ROYAL OAK, Michigan “I had eaten the household cleanser Comet for years and years and years and years,” said Crystal, who refuses to give her last name because her brain has […]
You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy. Smoking your soda What? Bong hitting your carbonated beverage. Huh? Sipping your spleefage, dude. DATELINE: DENVER, Colorado: You knew it was just a matter of time, right? A beverage that gets you stoned. It’s like a Budweiser that gives you the munchies. It’s Coors Light that makes […]