You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
Blaming a DUI on your cat.
Who blames a DUI on a cat? A mouse? A tuna fish? A drunk that’s who.
My cat made me do it! Jeeez. That’s like telling the teacher your dog ate your homework and then rolled it up into a fatty and smoked it.
How high is this offender? This is the twinkie defense with a litter box?
DATELINE: Australia, where many crazy things apparently happen.
It’s here that cops nab an unlicensed drunk driver with a blood alcohol FIVE times the legal limit.
5 times the legal limit! Not “I only had a beer officer.” We’re talking 5 times the legal limit. “That’s like I only drank a case sir.”
That’s the brink of death.
Usually people with 5 times the legal limit are in the morgue and a coroner is sawing open their skulls to see their saturated petri dish of brain.
So why was this woman driving so wasted?
“My cat was hungry,” she reportedly told lawmen.
According to the Herald Sun; The 27-year-old woman told police she went to the shop to buy cat food.
As strong as Australian beer is, I am guessing that if you are 5 times the legal limit in down under, you are really 20 times the legal limit in the rest of the world.
The fact she could even open her eyes – no less steer is amazing. Patients having prostate surgery are more alert.
Taking the amount of booze into account, I would say she is the world’s greatest pet lover. To be this wasted, and still feel the PETA tug in her heart to get behind the wheel and drive to the cat food store, well that just warms the soul doesn’t it.
Here’s the way this one could have played out.
27 year old drunk hits tree and dies. Cat survives and decides to eat the woman a little at a time.
Months later when the EMT’s finally stumble upon the wreck, they find a skeleton in the driver’s seat and a Garfield sized tabby picking his teeth.
Sadly, the woman survived and my cosmic caper did not come true.
She will appear in court at a later date. No word on whether she will be drunk.
And that is crazy.