Monthly Archive for: ‘July, 2009’

You know what’s crazy? Eating till you can’t breath, that’s crazy. DATELINE: WASHINGTON (AP) — Mississippi is still king of cellulite, but an ominous tide is rolling toward the Medicare doctors in neighboring Alabama: obese baby boomers.It’s time for the nation’s annual obesity rankings and, outside of fairly lean Colorado, there’s little good news. Obesity […]

CHAPTER SEVENTEENWHITE OUTI’m in the shower. My ears are filled with soap and water. The radio in the bathroom is blaring. Alternative rock and cascading water bounce off the ceramic tile like cannon fire inside of a thimble.Through the fray, I hear my wife. “AC come quickly!” It’s not a frantic voice, but there is […]

CHAPTER EIGHTOUT OF THE MOUTHES OF BABES 1) Kenzie tonight told me tonight, that she wants to be big and fat just like her daddy. She wants to eat junk food and then go to work with me and play. 2) The other day we had a lightening storm. Kenzie picked up her plastic baseball […]

CHAPTER ELEVENTHE THINGS KIDS SAY AND DO 1) I caught Zander trimming his own hair with a scissors one day. When I asked why he said; “Daddy, I’m having a bad hair day.” This comes from the boy wholooks at his own shadow on the ground to see if his hair is acceptable. If hisshadow […]

CHAPTER FOURBABY’S FIRST PHOTOGRAPHSix months had passed. Winter had given way to the broiling Carolina summertime. Zander had grown from a paltry five pounds to a Buddha-like twenty five.He was so big and so rolly polly that when he sat on his haunches in the grass, Oriental people stopped beside him to pray toward the […]

If you have children, then here are some things you may have caught yourself saying over the years. If you don’t have children, never fear, you will undoubtedly utter these phrases, or something very much like them sooner or later. 1) “Zander, please stop hitting your sister in the face with that fishing pole. And […]

ANNOYINGAccording to the dictionary, the word, ANNOYING is a verb. It means to disturb or irritate. You want to know what my definition of annoying is? It’s trying to watch the ball game when your three year old daughter stands up on the couch, grabs onto the fleshy part of your earlobe and peers into […]

Verbose observations coupled with effusive bursts of prolixity. My children speak, babble and rhetorically ruminate over everything they see. They find traffic lights absurd, an approaching thunder cloud unique, and a milk truck making deliveries both wonderful and pedestrian, depending on what moment of the day it isThough they are young, my loquacious children already […]

Like a lollipop coated with epidermis, Kenzie still sucks her thumb. It’s a flesh covered pacifier that placates her baby demons when times are rough. Lately times must be rough, because that thumb is always stuck in her pie hole. She looks like a circus freak with the omnipresent arm and elbow protruding form her […]

I remember it like it was yesterday. The images frozen into the cells of my mind by a wind chill factor somewhere near 40 below. When I first went on my interview nothing was ever said of the extreme coldand desolate vacuum that could snap a man’s bones simply from several minutes of exposure to […]