THE THINGS KIDS SAY AND DO
1) I caught Zander trimming his own hair with a scissors one day. When I asked why he said; “Daddy, I’m having a bad hair day.” This comes from the boy wholooks at his own shadow on the ground to see if his hair is acceptable. If hisshadow stands too tall, he runs upstairs, pours a gallon of water on hishead and flattens down his hair. Can you say “hair freak!”
2) Upon seeing baby Cordan’s ultra sound photo Kenzie shouted out; “Why is mybaby brother a tornado?”
3) Kenzie still emphatically maintains that we name the baby Kenzie. Whentold that her name is Kenzie, and that two children named Kenzie might beconfusing, she says; “That’s all right daddy, I like confusing.”
4) Zander asked how baby Cordan goes to the bathroom. Dana told him that thebaby uses the umbilical cord. Zander said; “Oh mom that can’t be veryattractive.”5) For father’s day, Zander gave me a small present wrapped in a coffee filter,covered with paint. After unwrapping my gift he said; “Look dad, now youcan also make coffee. The paint will come off in the water.” 6) One day, Zander was quizzing Kenzie with flash cards. He would hold one up and begin sounding out the word for her. But to his shock and dismay, his three year old sister was guessing the words before he could say them. One card after another: B-U-G.
H-A-M. J-E-T. Each time Zander starts to sound out the word, Kenzie beats Zander to the phonics punch. Finally Zander couldn’t take it any longer. “Mommy, come here, you’ll never guess what Kenzie can do.” Dana starts laughing. “What?,” Zander asks innocently. It turns out, he forgot the flash cards were double sided. while he wasstaring at the words, Kenzie was looking at that word’s corresponding full color picture on the other side. After figuring out what was going on, Zander laughed out loud; “Oh mommy, I thought Kenzie was a genius.”
7) Zander looked at my stomach the other day and said, “Hey dad, youreally need to start exercising”8) Kenzie said to another little girl at the pool: “HI I’m Kenzie. I have amommy and a daddy and aunts. lots and lots of aunts. do you have aunts?”9) It’s the middle of the night and Zander is using the toilet. He is halfasleep and calling for me. He wants help wiping, but when I tryto help him, he becomes embarrassed and runs away with a soiled rear end andtoilet paper hanging out of his rump. It looked like a full moon with a kite sticking out of a crater, running across the room. Yeah that’s what every dad wants to be dealing with at 3 am.10) Weird but true. Dana found a can of tuna fish in Kenzie’s bed the othernight. Thankfully it was sealed. To this day, we don’t know why she decided to take a can of tuna to bed. I guess that’s better than last week when she decidedan orange was her best friend. The only problem with the orange being her best friend is that the orange began to get kind of spongy after a couple of days. When I threw her best friend away, she cried. Good friends are hard to keep fresh.
11) From the worst knock knock joke of all time. Kenzie says; “Daddy, knockknock” I say, “whose there?” She says; “Kenzie-moo-cow-outside”. That’s it! Kenzie moo cow outside? She thinks she’s some sort of baby Richard Pryor and falls on the floor laughing uncontrollably. 12) We were house hunting the other day. We’re looking at a rather expensive home in a pristine community. I’m talking with the realtor and Zander runs in the door and says in his loudest voice, “Daddy, this house is perfect.” “Why is that Zander?,” I ask. “Because it has a hose. We’ve got to get this house dad.” I turned to the realtor andsaid, “Bet you didn’t post the hose that high on the sales lists did you?” She laughed, exclaiming that maybe she will feature it more prominently next time around.
13) From the excrement can be fun file: Kenzie looked in the toilet theother day and said; “Hey dad, my poop looks like a rocket ship. flush it.”So I did. “Weeeeeee, cool! Look at my poo poo rocket ship fly.”14) The inevitable question now-a-days is; “Where do baby’s come from?” Ourstock answer is, “God sends them to earth from heaven.” The other day Zandersays; “Do they need a heat shield to protect them when they’re reenteringthe atmosphere?” My kid has watched Apollo 13 one too many times.