OUT OF THE MOUTHES OF BABES
1) Kenzie tonight told me tonight, that she wants to be big and fat just like her daddy. She wants to eat junk food and then go to work with me and play. 2) The other day we had a lightening storm. Kenzie picked up her plastic baseball bat and said; “If the lightening comes, I’ll knock it all the way to Grandpa OP’s house.” I thought that was a daring pronouncement.3) I’m in the living room, when suddenly I hear this sorrowful wail upstairs. It’s Zander and he’s crying. We run upstairs and find him sitting up, and very emotional. Kenzie is right beside him, looking rather guilty, covering her little mouth with her hands as if she knows she’s in trouble.
“What’s wrong, Zander?,” we ask.
“Kenzie’s bugging me,” he whines. “She keeps banging me in the head
with this plastic helicopter.” All the while, Kenzie is grinning.
“Kenzie, are you banging your brother in the head with a helicopter?,” I ask.
“No,” she says honestly, pulling out a flash light from underneath the blankets. “I’m banging him in the head with this.” She shines the flash light directly into his eyes blinding him, adding insult to injury. Dana and I laughed and for the umpteenth time separated the two.4) Kenzie is now convinced it is imperative to floss her tooth. The only problem is, the other day I caught her flossing with fishing line. I walked downstairs and there she is with a Snoopy fishing pole plastered to her cheek. She has three feet of fishing linedangling out of her mouth.
“What are you doing?,” I holler.
“I’m cleaning my teeth like you do,” she responded.
“Yeah, but I don’t have to set the drag when I’m flossing sweetie,” I responded. Oh well.
5) The other day, Kenzie had a case of diaherra. She’s sitting on the toilet screaming; “Mommy, come quick, come quick, I have poo poo juice!”6) Dana has something of a lead foot when she drives. The other day Zander shouted out from the back seat.
“Remember mommy, if the police man pulls us over, remember the plan, I’ll start screaming that I have an ear ache and that’s why you were speeding, to get me to the doctor.”
Using the kids to avoid traffic tickets? What is the world coming to?
7) Kenzie and Zander were upstairs, and it was very quiet. Unusually quiet. Suspicious, I climbed the stairs to the bathroom and found Zander cutting off Kenzie’s hair with a child’s scissors. There was blonde hair everywhere. His bangs looked like a jig saw puzzle. Her hair looked like a dog had been chewing on it. It seems that both kids had decided to save us the money of going to the hair cutters. Thanks!! 8) While Leaving Blockbuster Video store, Kenzie watches me put two dollars into mywallet. She suddenly shouts out at the top of her lungs, before a full contingent of customers; “Money!!!, my favorite!”
It frightens me to think that one day she’ll be alone in a mall with my credit card!
9) Try this with your morning bagel. For whatever reason, Kenzie took off her wet diaper and wiped Dana’s forehead with saturated urine. Dana screamed in horror! Kenzie was quickly on her way to Time Out. “Hey Dana,” I shouted. “No need to exfoliate this morning.”10) I came down to make the kids breakfast this morning and Zander wassitting on the floor, naked and watching cartoons. When asked about it, he said; “Daddy, could you be quiet please, I can’t hear Rug Rats.” I walked to the kitchen laughing, knowing that my sanity was slowly slipping away. More tidbits to come…….