You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
A little something I like to call:
YOU KNOW YOU’RE CRAZY WHEN™
It’s those little crazy moments in life that make you say What the Heck!
You know you are crazy when you blow your breath into your cupped hand and sniff it.
You know you are crazy when the motorist in the next lane has his finger shoved up his nose and you want to text him that he’s not invisible simply because he is driving.
You know you are crazy when you constantly play dungeons and dragons and your best friend lives in another country and can’t speak English but is an excellent dragon slayer.
You know you are crazy when use a Charlie Sheen crack induced rant to motivate the Jr. high kids on your football team.
You know you are crazy if you get on national TV and utter any of these phrases in any variation of this sequence:
CHARLIE SHEEN:”The last time I took drugs?, I was banging seven gram rocks that is how I roll. How do I survive? I am me. I am different. I have tiger blood.”
You know you’re crazy when the elliptical machine i want is being used by people who don’t want an arm work out. If you don’t want to work your arms then use a different machine with no handles.
You know you are crazy when you stand on your tip toes in a bar to make girls think you are taller.
You know you are crazy when your calves burn the next morning because you did so many tip toe stretches.
You know you are crazy when you wash your tennis shoes after wearing them once.
You know you are crazy when you put cans of Copenhagen in your kid’s Easter Basket.
You know you are crazy when you want to kill the woman in the check out line who is using coupons for disgusting products you wouldn’t send to Ethiopia.
You know you are crazy when the anthem that still rocks your world is 1980’s George Michael during the days of WAM.
You know you are crazy when you hate your college rival so much you poison his trees and then become the most hated man in the most illiterate state in the union.
You know you are crazy when your buddies ask you to go drinking and you say “nah, I’m reading the ticker on sports center.”
You know you are crazy when you go to a Denny’s at 3am, see 3 women wearing mini skirts and immediately think they are hookers.
You know you are crazy when you leave those hookers your business card and they tear it up in your face at the table and call you a cock roach.
You know you are crazy when a warm sunny day represents lawn work more than fun and you secretly pray for rain.
You know you are crazy when your boss asks you to feel his bicep and you touch it hoping he’ll give you a raise.
You know you are crazy when you speed dial someone five times in five minutes hanging up twice and leaving 3 crazy messages to call as soon as you get this message.
You know you are crazy when that person finally calls you back and you let the call go to voicemail.
You know you are crazy when you consider Slim Jim’s a food group.
You know you are crazy when the motorist tailgating you so reminds you of your Ex Wife that all you can think about is throwing on the emergency brake and exchanging middle fingers angry words and insurance info.
You know you are crazy when the words coming out of your significant others mouth make you want to sign up for the military.
You know you are crazy when the gutter snipes on the home shopping channel are your only friends.
You know you are crazy when you floss your teeth and let the dog lick it afterwards.
You know you are crazy when you watch NASCAR at home holding up three fingers for Dale Earnhardt.
You know you are crazy when you burp up something you ate and you secretly enjoy it a 2nd time.
You know you are crazy when you a buy a woman a lemon drop even though her eyes are percolating with insanity.
You know you are crazy when you get in a fight in the front yard because someone called your double wide a trailer and you refer to it as a home with transportation opportunities.
You know you are crazy when you wake from a dream where you are squeezing worms out of your face and you wonder if it really happened.
You know you are crazy when you watch figure skating and you find yourself asking if any of the dudes are straight.
You know you are crazy when the huge woman in spandex in front of you on the treadmill, gyrating like supersonic jello starts to make you feel horny.
You know you are crazy when you eat an egg, sunny side up egg and wonder what the baby chicken would have looked like.
And that is the first ever edition of You know you are crazy…
hope you enjoyed it….
feel free to email me with your own personal favorites.