You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
Winter Weather & Southern Drivers.
Snow in the South goes together like skunk at a Chanel No. 5 factory.
I woke up this weekend to a blanket of white. It was in the trees, on the ground, on the grass.
It looked like my neighborhood was mugged by the KKK.
It was a winter wonderland, with a hangman’s noose around its neck.
So I turn on the news and cars are stacked up like gastric bypass on the interstate.
I see brake lights and tires spinning and nervous nellies driving into perfectly good ditches.
TGIS. Thank God It’s Saturday. Most people are home. There are no school buses no diamond lanes no motorcycles whizzing in and out of traffic.
The temperature is going to rise. The ice will melt, the snow will dissolve into a harmless liquid. But right now, Southern drivers are out of the frying pan and into the fire.
So I leave the igloo to check out the mess in my hood. I take a turn and slide through the corner. Nice anti lock braking I think as the sound of a thousand gerbils rattles in my disc brakes.
I see a bunch of kids on the sidewalk having a snow ball fight. Suddenly a kid bolts into the street.
Oh oh!
Luckily I’m going 10 mph. I slam my heel onto the gerbils below me.
I start sliding. The gerbils are squealing. The kid looks at me like I’m crazy. The car stops. The child gets to the side walk and throws a snow ball.
The kid almost got a free trip to the E.R. and he’s acting like an antarctic Nolan Ryan.
Stupid kid.
Fast forward 3 hours, and the sun is shining, the temperatures have risen and the muck and mess has begun to ferment on the ground like a pot of simmering snow sludge.
Enjoy the snow while you can Southern scaredy cats. It never lasts long.
and that is crazy.™