When Centenarians KILL

You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy!

One Centenarian killing another.

DATELINE: NEW BEDFORD, Mass.

Here’s a horrible story for you. A 98-year-old woman is charged with strangling a 100-year-old woman. YIKES!
That’s 198 years of old people killing each other.
What happened you ask? What are the grisly details of old lady on old lady crime, inquiring minds want to know?

Well details are still a bit murky, but according to published reports, the 98-year-old and the 100-year-old were roomates in a senior citizen’s home. Talk about the odd couple.

The older woman was found with a plastic bag over her head. The medical examiner ruled that her death was strangulation and the focus of the investigation quickly turned to her sprite 98-year-old room mate as the prime suspect.

The 98 year old, Laura Lundquist, has a long history of dementia, according to her attorney. The son of the 100-year-old victim says he had repeatedly complained to nursing home officials to move Lundquist out of his mother’s room because of what he called: “threatening” and “harassing” remarks.

“That 98-year-old woman is a loon” the son thought to himself.

So what now? What does the court system do with this one? Right now the psycho senior is in a mental facility being evaluated.
As soon as doctorslook into her eyes they are going to see phosphorescent cob webs of crazy. As soon as they ask her the inevitable question; “why did you kill her?” An old lady, vomit like insanity is going to gum it’s way up her scarred esophagus and slither out her mouth. “Because she looked at me funny.”

Looked at me funny? Then the 98-year-old dinosaur of death will smile fiendishly while settling back into a black cloud of crazy.

Game Set Match. Guilty!
Even the hospital orderly who delivers gruel to the inmates will be able to make this diagnosis.
Check the box on her chart that applies: CERTIFIABLY CRAZY. RETURN TO SENDER. POSTAGE DUE.

Ultimately the 98 year old murderer gets convicted and is sentenced to life in prison.

Life in Prison? Woop–de–doo! What’s life in prison for a 98-year -old?
2 years? 18-months? 1/2 an hour?

It doesn’t seem fair does it? How do you punish a crazy senior citizen who snuffs the life out of a human who was alive to watch Lindbergh fly solo across the Atlantic?

Can you even imagine the murder scene. 198 years of saggy humanity fighting each other in some slow motion polka. Pablum and false teeth hitting the floor. Depends adult diapers filling with waste product as the grim reaper checks his watch wondering the last time he saw something this crazy.

I’m surprised that the murderers arms didn’t vaporize into powder from the sheer effort of lifting a plastic cleaning bag over the victim’s head. I’m kind of surprised the victim’s head didn’t snap off like a calcified stick that has rotted over time.

The grim reaper should have taken the crazy 98-year-old with him, just to set the universe back into balance. But no, he left us to deal with the horrendous thought of centenarian murder.

And where do you send a person who was born before in door pluming was invented. You can’t send her back to the rest home where she will throw her oat meal and go on another killing rampage.

So you have to send the old gas bag to prison. What prison is equipped to handle Methuselah’s grandma? Life in prison for a 98-year-old slow motion killer is going to be arduous to say the least.

The questions abound: Do they let people shower with metallic walkers? Will they allow prison tattoos that say: I voted for FDR. Will guards have to check her false teeth for shivs. Will she cook up Geritol flavored wine in the public commode? Will she make other prisoners her bitches and make them massage her bed sores?

Questions only the Warden can answer.

Yes these are sad times when centenarians kill.

And that is crazy.

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