You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy!
Men. Women. The difference between the two.
I found this on a men’s web site and it made me laugh. I let the author set the tone and then I chime in.
AUTHOR: Because I’m a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.
CRAZY: Because I am a man, I lock my keys in the car, I punch out the window and then tell my wife it was a car burglary.
AUTHOR: Because I’m a man, when the car isn’t running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I’m looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, ‘I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn’t know where to start.’ We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion.
CRAZY: If my car isn’t running well, I take it to the dealership and make my wife get a job to pay for the repairs. That’s old school.
AUTHOR: Because I’m a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You’re a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
CRAZY: When I’m sick, I blow my nose so often, my nasal passages are bloody and the cats hide under the sofa. It’s ok to be loud, bloody and aggressive when you are sick.
AUTHOR: Because I’m a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like beer, milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like ‘cumin’ or ‘tofu.’ For all I know, these are the same thing.
CRAZY: Because I am a man, when I shop I go to the beer aisle. Then I pick up cigars. Then I pick up a lottery ticket and then go back for another six pack. It’s Saturday and I plan to watch College Basketball all day long.
AUTHOR: Because I’m a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
CRAZY: Because I’m a man, I will use my toaster as a paper weight. I will use my vaccuum cleaner to prop open a screen door. I will use my broken microwave to store my game boards including SORRY, MONOPOLY, RISK.
AUTHOR: Because I’m a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it…..though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator….. ( applies to engineers mainly).
CRAZY: If the remote control is missing, there will be hell to pay. The kids will be yelled at. The cats will be yelled at. Chairs cushions and pillows will be turned over till the mechanism is found. Unlike the author, I will only search during commercial breaks. Since commercials only last 2 minutes, finding the remote can take days.
AUTHOR: Because I’m a man, there is no need to ask me what I’m thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don’t ask.
Because I’m a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother’s Day is okay; I don’t need to see it. And don’t forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
CRAZY: If you ask me what I am thinking about, the answer is probably quantum physics or the molecular properties of nucleatides. Though it could also be sex or birthday cake, depending on exactly when you ask me what I’m thinking about.
AUTHOR: Because I’m a man, you don’t have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you’re crying at the end of it, I didn’t ..and if you are feeling amorous afterward..then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
CRAZY: You don’t have to ask if I liked the movie. I probably decided to wait till it came out on DVD. But if you are feeling amorous, chances are I will tell you anything you need to hear to keep the feelings of amorous-ness flowing.
AUTHOR :Because I’m a man, I think what you’re wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
CRAZY: What you are wearing is fine, even if I don’t feel it is fine. But I wouldn’t dare tell you that it is not fine because if I do that then 1) you will waste 30 more minutes staring at your closet and 2) I most assuredly will have a hole to dig myself out of should feelings of warmth and romance surface.
AUTHOR: Because I’m a man, and this is, after all, the year 2010; I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I’ll do the rest…… Like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
CRAZY: I like to vacuum, so I will vacuum everything that can be vacuumed. The floor, the rug, the counter tops, the sofa, the refrigerator, the microwave, the range top. If the vacuum doesn’t fit, I am not going to clean it.
This has been a public service message for women to Better understand men!
and that is crazy