You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™
Viagra commercials.
Enough already.
It’s Christmas night. TV’s are on all over America.
Children are playing with toys. Aunts and Uncles are sitting in living rooms discussing politics.
Grandma is adjusting her teeth. Grandpa is playing pocket pool.
America is watching the Cleveland Cavs versus the Golden State Warriors.
“We’ll be back for the start of the 4th quarter,” the play by play man says.
And then, Bam.
Cue the commercial:
The cute woman with the football jersey tossing the ball comes on the screen.
She walks around the house, looking alluring, sexy, promiscuous.
She stares in the camera.
She has something on her mind and it has nothing to do with football.
“Watching football together is great,” she says suggestively.
She walks through the dining room, sauntering easily through a sun lit home.
“but huddling with your man is nice too,” she says tossing the ball in the air.
Huddling with your man?
Oh, that’s symbolic code for love-making.
Then the announcer comes on while the woman walks around the house looking for something, presumably a man who has safely ingested Viagra.
“Half of men over forty have some degree of erectile dysfunction.”
It’s an uncomfortable sentence.
I’m watching alone in my living room and I wince when I hear the words “Erectile Dysfunction.”
What the hell does that mean?
And why does the guy have to say it so forcefully.
Is he talking to me?
What’s he selling?
Hard ons?
Love?
The girl in the football jersey?
Meanwhile the sexy woman walks from room to room like a caged cat looking for an open can of tuna.
“Viagra helps men with ED get and keep an erection,” the announcer says.
I wonder how this sentence plays out in Peoria?
How do you think it is playing in living rooms where little girls are re-arranging their doll house furniture.
“Mommy, what’s erectile dysfunction?”
Mommy nervously looks at Daddy who swallows hard.
“Well, Molly, when daddy’s and mommies….”
The moment is uncomfortable, and makes you think about shoving a fork in your eye.
Mommy gulps.
“Ask your daddy.”
“Ask me? Why Me?,” daddy says.
“Daddy. What is Erectile Dysfunction?,” Molly asks again combing Barbie’s beautiful gold locks.
And so it goes.
A perfectly nice evening spoiled by a terribly intrusive commercial.
“Ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough for sex,” the announcer continues as the woman salaciously eyes the camera.
“to avoid long-term injury seek medical help for an erection lasting more than 4 hours.”
I turn the channel.
I want to watch the game, but the ad is just too much.
It airs constantly during the games.
Viagra, then Cialis, then Viagra again.
It’s erectile dysfunction ping pong.
Does America want this?
Why do we tolerate it?
If you need a blue pill, don’t you know you need a blue pill?
Do you need the girl in the football jersey to remind you your man junk’s as limp as cold squid on a New Jersey pier?
Erectile Dysfunction?
It’s uncomfortable like nails on a chalk board. It tastes bad like chewing aluminum.
If I have ED problems, I’ll check with my doctor.
If I have an erection lasting longer than 4 hours, I’m going hire myself out and charge you like I’m the last limo in Time Square on New Years Eve.
Until then, I am urging the makers of Viagra to pull back on the reins. Advertise elsewhere.
Advertising shouldn’t make you wince or hate the product.
Blue Pills make me queasy.
Speaking of queasy – Hey Burger King, you listening?
Your damn King is a creeper.
He’s a child molester of the 3rd kind.
Let’s just hope he isn’t taking Viagra.
Last thing we need is a child molesting Burger King with an erection lasting more than 4 hours.
Gotta go. I think that’s a Lipitor commercial. I got listen to all the side effects for taking this product.
Yikes.
Life’s Crazy™