You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
An athlete getting fined for spitting.
In this over-regulated, heavily-saturated, rule-induced world we live in, when is enough enough?
DATELINE: Persian Gulf
It’s here that the European Golf Tour recently fined Tiger Woods for expectorating on the green.
Expectorating! Not urinating. Not masturbating! Not sexting hookers in the nearby Dubai Hilton.
We’re talking spitting, people.
It’s not like he pulled down his pants and whizzed on a bunch of school kids.
The man spit, on the green, and the PGA is going to fine him.
It’s not like Tiger spit in the collection plate at church. He spit on the athletic field he was competing on. Is golf a sport or just something aristocrats do on the weekends.
According to the video tape, Tiger Woods spit during the the final round of the Dubai Desert Classic. It was a quick loogie, a superfluous hocker. To his credit it was tightly wrapped and had a nice left to right fade.
So What?
Have you ever watched a baseball game? Baseball players grab their crotch and twist it around like a birthday bow. Then they push a brown stream of tobacco chaw through the gap in their teeth like a toxic water fountain. Then they twist their crotch one more time like a bad porn flick. Then they adjust their helmet, spit again and jerk the fabric out of their butt crack.
If you are watching America’s pastime with children, you almost feel like bathing them, the visual is so dirty.
Is MLB fining these ball players for groping themselves? NOPE.
Is the NBA fining the human tattoo parlors who levitate above the rim? NOPE.
Is the Pro Bowlers Tour fining the players for wearing picnic table pants? No sir.
So what’s the deal PGA? Are you guys better than everyone else?
Are you a sport or a case of fine china being sold on the Home Shopping Network?
This is the statement from the tour director Mike Stewart:
“I have reviewed the incident and feel there has been a breach of the tour code of conduct and consequently Tiger Woods will be fined.”
How much Tiger is going to be fined has not been released.
Fining Tiger Woods is like taking a bucket of sand from the beach. It’s not going to be noticed. To Tiger the fine is irrelevant unless his ex wife is writing the check, and she’s using a barrel of ink. That might sting a little. Still the question is – should an athlete be fined for spitting?
If he spit in the Butler Cabin at Augusta? Fine his ass.
If he spit in the Tap Room at Pebble? Sure.
If he spit in the Queen of Dubai’s eye? Off with his head.
But he spit outside, on the grass, of an athletic field.
According to the tour’s code of conduct: when a player becomes a member, he “voluntarily submits himself to standards of behavior and ethical conduct beyond those required of ordinary golfers and members of the public.”
I wish members of the United States Congress could be held to such a high and lofty decree!
A British commentator said; “that was one of the ugliest things you will ever see on a golf course. Somebody now has to come behind him and maybe putt over his spit. It does not get much lower than that.”
It’s not like Tiger Woods is a camel and he crapped a huge piping log on the green. I could see that being difficult to putt over.
Spit People! It was some spit. It’s not like Tiger has a blow hole and he swims at Sea World. He didn’t spray the gallery with a fire hose of phlegm. He expectorated a minuscule amount of liquid.
The announcer called it one of the ugliest things you will ever see?
Apparently this golf geek never saw Rosie O’Donnell bend over in a thong.
The way the PGA acts, these guys should wear white gloves and butlers should carry silver tea services around behind each player.
Can you pass gas? Can you burp? What about eating a banana between holes?
Get over yourself PGA.
You got crazies lining the outside of the ropes screaming “YOU THE MAN” While they down shots of Jeigermeister.
And the guy can’t spit.
Football players spit in each other’s faces. And forget spit, do you know what’s going on at the bottom of a scrum for a loose ball. Check the family jewels.
So the next time John Daily wears pants designed by Andy Warhol, fine him. The next time Bill Murray does grass angels on the tee, fine him.
Lighten up PGA it’s just a game played by men on a field of athletics.
It’s not a Catholic Church run by horny priests who have the ability to ruin lives.
Now there’s a fine that needs to be imposed.
And that is crazy!