You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy!
The story that Tiger Woods is trying to cram down the world’s throat.
None of it adds up. He just wants us to go away. Respect his privacy. Sorry, when you are worth a billion dollars and the most recognizable athlete on the planet, you don’t get to pick and choose when you are in the burning glare of the public eye.
Back to the random facts we have on this story. If this was a math equation, Woods would get a failing grade. If this was an exercise in deductive reasoning, he would have to repeat the class for lack of factual continuity.
If ever there was a case that stinks, this is it.
I mean it’s only been a few days, but here’s the list of questions that we have so far. An accident at the bottom of his driveway at 2:30 am. Where was he going? How did he hit a fire hydrant and then a tree? He successfully negotiates these two immovable objects every time he leaves Casa De Tiger. What changed on this trip? And what was his hot Swedish wife doing wildly wielding a 3 wood? Why break out the windows of the Escalade? Was the blond bombshell trying to render aid, or drive woods’ molars up his ass?
Why was Tiger floating in and out of consciousness? Was it from the accident that wasn’t forceful enough to engage an airbag? Or was it from the ass whoopin a big breasted woman put on him at 2:28 am?
TMZ says Tiger is messin around with another woman? That woman has hired a world renowned attorney in Gloria Alred. Why? If the alleged other woman is a nobody, why hire a lawyer who only caters to the stars? Just say no and move on. HMMMMM? And who is paying that legal bill? Is it Tiger woods? Let’s hope the crazy Blond Swedish lady doesn’t find out? If she does, hide the clubs.
And why, if everything is so simple, won’t the world’s number one golfer sit down and let investigators ask him a few simple questions. He’s blown off the Florida Highway Patrol more times than a pimple faced kid at a strip bar. How hard is it to explain the scratches on your face? did your cat do it?
And now we learn that the world’s greatest golfer has withdrawn from his own charity golf event. He claims it is due to his accident? No word on whether that is the one involving the run-a-way Escalade or the crazy, golf club swinging wife.
By “blowing off” his own charity, Woods will not have to immediately answer media questions about the tabloid-fueled rumors that have ignited a global bon fire of speculation and conjecture.
This incident happened over the thanksgiving holiday, during a somewhat slow news cycle. It was a constant crawl at the bottom of the screen on most major networks. Even your grandma who wears depends and thinks camille tea gives her a buzz was asking about Tiger woods alleged infidelity and his wild ass wife.
Woods says there are “many false, unfounded and malicious rumors” about him and his family. What he means is, there are a lot of reports about him stepping out with a hot young nightclub hostess, who is alleged to have joined him recently at an Australian Golf tournament. Can you say taking a mulligan?
This should be an exciting few days for El Tigre. Either way, he’s going to be rich. Either way he’s going to be the best golfer in the world. Either way he is going to be surrounded by beautiful women. The real question is whether there will be a crazy Blond bombshell on his shoulder swinging at his balls with a passion only a scorned wife can know.
TMZ sure hopes so. And that is crazy.