You know what’s Crazy? I’ll tell you what’s Crazy!
The political correctness that permeates this country like stink in a subway.
The latest chapter of whining and wasting my time comes from people afraid of upsetting Italian Americans.
Here at That’s Crazy, we say FAH-GED-A-BOUD-IT!
MTV wants to make a reality tv show called “Jersey Shore, or as I like to call it; GUIDO TV.”
The idea: Italian Americans from the Jersey shore meet, greet, cohabitate and bump uglies all set to a rocking beat. No shirts, bad accents, distorted views of life all spewed like so much urine across the digital spectrum.
It will be the dumbing down of America while simultaneously pumping up biceps and boobs. It’s muscle beach for guys with gold chains and a Mafia attitude. The women will utter phrases in accents so Northern Jersey thick, America will wonder how they even eat with those mouths.
The men will sport “faux-hawks” and alcohol induced bravado. There won’t be a chest hair for 3 square miles. These Guido loving kids will be waxed and willing to show case stupid to the world.
I say let it rip. Let these inbred genetic miscreants loose on the televised spectrum. It’s like the road runner cartoon without the ACME explosions in the end.
But hold on to your first amendment rights, America! Are you ready for this? Someone, somewhere is offended. Someone out there in the land of the free and the home of the brave is complaining like the querulous whiners they are. In this case a national Italian-American organization, UNICO, says the show should be scrapped before it ever debuts.
UNICO National said “Jersey Shore” relies on crude stereotypes and highlights cursing, bad behavior and violence in depicting renters at a New Jersey beach house.
A promo describes the participants thusly: “They keep their hair high, their muscles juiced and their fists pumping all summer long!”
That sounds like my summer, HOWA BOUDT YOU?
I often rip off my shirt after cutting the lawn and then in a slow motion, I let the neighborhood women hose me down in a glistening sexual smorgasbord of porn music and aquafied innuendo. That’s how we do it in the burbs Guido!
All kidding aside, I say get off the hurt feeling bandwagon. If MTV & the Guidos want to make the show, let them make the show. If America wants to watch this tepid visual saliva, then let America take another bong hit from the pipe of stupid and flush their collective futures down the crapper.
At what point are we going to stop whining! What harm can it cause? Did Welcome Back Kotter starring Vinny Barbarino, set Italian Americans back irrevocably. Jeez. Vinny Barbarino couldn’t count or spell. His claim to fame was a dumb slogan: WHAT? WHERE? WHY?
Those are 3 of the 5 staples of investigative journalism if you ask me. All Vinny Barbarino did was launch a tidal wave of success for John Travolta.
If the Gumbas on the beach want to juice up their muscles and flex for the ladies, then what the hell? Why not? It’s reality TV for goodness sakes. Don’t we have House Wives in Atlanta. Don’t we have Survivor Island? Don’t we have any number of old washed up rock and rollers with no hair and brightly colored bandannas?
I say put the Mafia Mischief on the air. I say quit complaining about how Italian Americans, or African Americans, or Irish Americans or American Americans might be perceived.
Perception is reality, right. Maybe America will see this and finally answer the wake up call. Maybe they will see the future of this great country grabbing it’s collective crotch. We’re last in the world in Math and Science, but we’re first in holding onto to our Johnson’s. That has to count for something right?
This nation is a melting pot of stupid. We are America. We are free to be stupid. We are free to be free. We are free to pump up our biceps and try and love the ladies while using words with all consonants.
So UNICO, shut your pie holes and move on to something important like feeding the poor, or reducing the tax burden on my grand kids.
Otherwise shut the hell up and quit wasting my time.
Maybe the mothers of the Gumbas will get a good look at the mess they’ve hatched and call them all home to clean their rooms.