You know what’s Crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™
Super Bowl Sunday.
It’s a national eruption of hype. It’s a vomitorium of excess. It’s a gigantic pimple filled with neon colored confetti and adrenaline.
The NFL season begins in early September.
32 teams have hopes and dreams.
Every fan says “This is the year we go to the Super Bowl.”
Sadly, gladly, thankfully, only one can hoist the hardware and call themselves CHAMPS.
To a football fan, The Game is the Holy Grail of grid iron accomplishment.
Win the Super Bowl and you are etched into the record books.
Lose and you become the answer to a trivia question.
But Win or lose, the Superbowl is a celebration.
SUPER BOWL SUNDAY!
It’s a day I circle on my calendar.
It’s a day I request off from work.
It’s a day I ask my friends “where ya going to be? Where we watching?”
I’ve worked on Christmas day. I won’t work on Super Bowl Sunday.
I’d call in sick, even fake my own death and show up Monday.
“We thought you were dead.”
“Resurrection is a beautiful thing. Oh by the way, did you see the game? Heaven’s got a 8 mile long high def set.”
I have traveled on every holiday. I won’t travel on Super Bowl Sunday.
If I had to travel, I’d miss my plane. If I was in an airport, I’d slide up to the bar and tell the bartender to keep them coming, because I ain’t leaving till the Fat Lady sings.
I won’t go to the mall on Super Bowl Sunday. I won”t buy socks on Super Bowl Sunday. I wouldn’t go to dinner, get my tire pressure checked, or work on my taxes.
Super Bowl Sunday is sacred.
It’s three Hail Mary’s and a shot of Patron.
On Super Bowl Sunday, the day of days, everything must be just so.
Super Bowl Sunday is the equivalent of 3 wise men looking for a manger.
Super Bowl Sunday is an oasis in a thirsty desert.
Super bowl Sunday is climbing Mt. Olympus and high-fiving Zeus.
Super Bowl Sunday is shooting a Katie Perry video and her top falling off.
On Super Bowl Sunday I need a TV set that is magical like Aladin’s Lamp.
I need Dolby 6.0 that will knock the fillings out of your face.
I need the visible spectrum of light to massage my eyes. I need the sound to cuddle me like a baby in a pappoose.
Super Bowl Sunday is a hypnotic suggestion that makes everything taste like pizza and hot wings.
On Super bowl Sunday I need a plan that includes no plan.
Eat too much. Drink Too much. Try and hold your urine like a man while the umpteenth Budweiser commercial airs.
The Super Bowl has something for everyone.
You want hype, there are few events that can match it.
It’s like the Scottish Caber Toss where athletes throw a gigantic log 10 yards, only better.
It’s like Mexican cliff diving with a half time show.
It’s over the top bluster and superfluous grid-iron analysis.
You want clutch plays and classic blow-its? This is the day for that too.
Football not your thing? Stick around 30 minutes for the half time action.
This year, Katie Perry is due for a wardrobe malfunction.
She’ll sing hear me roar and ride in on a giant lion.
The show makes me wish Lenny Kravitz was the headliner and Katie Perry joined him for one song.
You want commercials? Every single 2 minute break is jam-packed fighting for your eye balls and hard-earned dollar.
There’s so much action Super Bowl Sunday, I ordered a driver’s aid and catheter so I don’t have to use the restroom.
Super Bowl Sunday and me go back as far as I can remember.
It’s a day of irreverence, fun, and judgement mired in liquor and fat.
I remember wearing a moo moo, high top sneakers and doing beer bongs topped off with tequila.
My day started with a keg at Mr. Lees.
It sometimes ended praying to the porcelain God.
Super Bowl Sunday is a national holiday. It’s a combination 4th of July, Halloween, St. Patrick’s Day & Christmas.
It’s all the Hallmark moments in a 3 hour spectacle.
The Super Bowl has fireworks, people dressing in costumes, green beer and presents.
The Super Bowl is parties and wings and tequila shots and Doritos.
The Super Bowl is cut-a-ways of movie stars and a handful of idiots getting arrested for buying a call girl who is really a cop.
The Super Bowl is a non stop pre-game show that begins at 10 am and goes right up to the National Anthem.
The Super Bowl is super Hype that burns bright, burns hard, burns fast.
It’s visual hot sauce. It’s a sport’s addict’s acid reflux.
Super Bowl Sunday is traditionally a day when America comes together as one.
This year’s Super Bowl will be the most watched TV show of all time.
Only 9 1 1 solidifies this country as notably.
It’s a day when Twitter will explode, implode and set social media records.
Nothing challenges the Super Bowl? Not the finale of Dancing with the Stars. Not the bachelor pulling off his shirt in a hot air balloon. Not The world series of poker, the World Series of baseball, World Cup or even the Olympics.
The Super Bowl is the high holy church of visual gluttony where fans come to repent and pray for divine intervention.
Enjoy Super Bowl Sunday.
The Patriots are the champs. The Seahawks blew it.
But at the end of the day, it was a great game with fun commercials.
Nothing exceeds like excess.
Super Bowl Sunday.
Like Belching sunshine and rainbows.
Life’s Crazy™