You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™
The Jared Conspiracy.
Are you kidding me?
The guy loses 200 pounds eating Subway sandwiches.
He’s a nobody, a fat guy, a ticking time bomb of cholesterol.
And then he stumbles onto a culinary gold mine of an idea.
This over weight jiggle belly starts eating every meal at Subway.
Every damn meal.
He’s scarffing down Hoagies to lose weight.
Seems preposterous, but this gigantic man eats and eats and loses weight.
Subway notices.
What a stroke of luck.
Someone in the marketing department says “Hey, this Jared guy’s got something.”
And the company ramps up and creates a massive, national ad campaign around this nobody.
After 15 years, he’s a household name.
Everyone knows Jared.
The company puts its fat-free, whole grain wing around this leviathan of lard and both escalate to the promised land.
Jared literally makes a living losing weight and doing it in the corporate white-hot glare.
And then there is the FBI raid.
OMG.
Child Porn?
Really?
Subway does the only thing it can do. The company cuts ties with Jared.
Is he guilty? Does he secretly eat 12 inch subway sandwiches while downloading illicit pictures of children?
The thought is disturbing.
And while the court of public opinion is frowning on Jared, we do know that the Executive Director of one of his children websites is already indicted on multiple counts of child porn.
FBI officials are tight-lipped, but it is obvious that the raid on Jared’s home is a direct result of that investigation.
The tangled web of child porn leaves a nasty taste on the internet that is disgusting to see, but easy for Child Porn investigators to trace.
Now Jared, who has starred in hundreds of commercials, is tangled in this filthy web.
He was the face of the company.
Then in one day, in one sweep of the hatchet, Jared is axed and the nation is stupefied.
I watched the news like the rest of you.
Big tall guy, recognizable face, eyes full of tears, exiting his Indiana home.
It’s raining and he pulls the hood over his face.
He is fatter than I thought. Perhaps he needs to eat more.
He looks worried. He should be worried.
Child Porn is one of the most despicable crimes in the world.
It victimizes families, children, common decency.
They say innocent till proven guilty.
Jared’s legal team says he is cooperating fully with investigators and he has yet to be charged.
That may be true.
But some stains are impossible to wash off.
This stain is lasting.
Life’s Crazy™