You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
The Chinese Smiley Face.
The country that brought you government run newspapers, and Tienanmen Square, Now also brings you the smiley face seal of approval.
Yes, according to published reports, which are always questionable from the Red Giant, China plans to introduce a new grading system for its restaurants.
Now according to some, Chinese restaurants are a petri dish of bacterial growth. It’s in these incubators of filth that staph and ecoli come to vacation, like fat tourists sunning themselves on the Red Neck Riviera.
The Chinese government decided that something had to be done.
So what did they do? How did they cleanse the skuzz that is Chinese Culinary chaos?
I give you the Smiley Face grading system.
So how does the new grading system work?
If the rice and fish heads are not rotten the establishment gets a smiley face. If the bathrooms and kitchens are less contaminated than the dumpster in the alley, the restaurant gets a smiley face. If the cooks are not sneezing into their aprons like they have bubonic plague, then the Chinese State Health Department awards a smiley face.
Well how nice. A big fat smiley face and everything in China is
A-OK.
Will Pandas have smiley faces spray painted on their cute panda bellies?
Will the Great Wall of China have a Smiley Face stenciled onto the walkway so sky lab astronauts can see that everything in this blossoming super power is doing well.
Crazy. A regime as caring as broken glass, is now concerned about health?
How about all the money the USA owes you China? Is that a smiley face or something less smiley?
According to the official Xinhua news agency – new rules are going to be enforced.
According to those who have peeked behind the iron curtain, Chinese kitchens can whip up a gastric bypass of nausea.
So if Godliness is next to cleanliness, Chinese Kitchens better clean up or expect to get a big fat frowny face.
A smiley face will represent “excellent,” a straight face means “good,” and an unhappy face indicates average.
I’m not sure who you complain to? Where do you drop off your unsatisfactory complaints? The Tienanmen Square hot line?
Good for you Chinese smiley face brigade. Glad you are trying so hard to get diners into your smiley faced eateries.
Now pass the fish heads and quit wiping your nose on your apron.
And that is crazy.