Broadcasting the draft for three straight days in primetime.
Check a media guide for exact details, but the way I understand it, starting Spring 2010, the NFL draft goes from a two day, laborious fact-a-thon, to a glitzy 3 day extravaganza.
Now behemoths who have no degree and very little handle on the art of articulation, will be head to head with Dancing with the stars and you Think you can Dance and Celebrity Dance Party.
The 2nd and 3rd rounds will air Friday night, again in prime time. Watch out CSI NY, could be a beat down.
Rounds 4 thru 7 will continue on Saturday afternoon. No primetime for these jock strap toting wanna bees. They’re going up against the Cartoon Network and reruns of Scooby Doo. Rounds 4 through 7 might as well apply for a dishwashing job at the local Bistro.
Rounds 4 through 7; these guys will be lucky to get paid with bologna sandwiches made with Wonder Bread.
So let me break out my abacus. That’s 3 days of non stop predicting, speculating, assessing needs, and quantifying talent. As if two 10-hour-days wasn’t enough? Now we can watch around the clock as ESPN draft guru, Mel Kiper will get more air time than Wolf Blitzer during a Middle Eastern Insurrection. Tom Jackson will pontificate as if he is Nelson Mandella coming out of prison. Chris Berman will bellow like a sweaty furnace with a parsley sprout of hair for 3 more days. He will sweat and his jowels will shake as he pauses only long enough to inhale a room full of oxygen, so that he can bombastically and stridently elocute about 185 defensive backs coming off ACL surgery. JOY!
I love the NFL. I love the draft too. But after the first round, who really gives a crap? Who is the 187th guy drafted from Jerk Off State?
To give the NFL credit; If you have never seen the NFL draft, it is a spectacle. It is held in Radio City Music Hall in NYC. It’s broadcast on ESPN like a presidential inauguration. Football fans pack the rafters dressed in their favorite NFL regalia. They chant and chide and cheer.
They are usually inebriated and stinking of the previous day. Some of these yahoos drag their children to the event, like its a belligerent parenting seminar. You’d find more decorum at an English Soccer match.
Back to the actual draft itself. I watch a lot of college football. I watch sportscenter as if it is sex for the mind. But come on people, after the first ten picks, who the hell are these guys?
Certainly by pick 15 you need a program and a Ouija board to follow the action. You might as well be drafting Russian Ballerinas.
Can you imagine that? Drafting Russina Ballerinas? Sadly I can!
“That is a reach, Sergei,” one of the announcers says slamming a shot of old school.
“She dances like a cow and farts when she pirouettes,” Prime Time Oventsky laments. “I spit on this choice.”
So why is the draft moving to primetime?
The NFL draft is more popular than play off hockey. It combines the hopes and dreams for your favorite NFL team with the palpable energy of a newly finished NCAA season.
You wouldn’t think that something so tedious, would be so well received, but ratings are off the hook.
Last year, a total of 39 million viewers watched the draft.
If you had naked Sports Illustrated models baking bread in a kitchen made of latex, you wouldn’t get 39 million viewers.
That is crazy interest, but interest it is. So why not give the fans what they want. Put it in primetime and hype it like circus bears wrestling Victoria Secret Underwear models. It could be bigger than Jay Leno’s jaw or J-Lo’s derriere.
If the NFL was a car, then the draft would be replacement parts. Would you televise boxes of mufflers being delivered to the car factory?
But somehow, the NFL marketing machine has convinced us that we must watch this retooling. The juggernaut of Madison Avenue says the draft is so freaking special we’ll now air it over 2 prime time nights and a 3rd afternoon.