You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s Crazy!
Peeing on your plants to make your garden grow.
Apparently our British Brothers across the pond have taken to urinating on their crops.
Why? For a number of reasons including increased crop production.
I’ve heard of coffee as a natural fertilizer. I’ve heard human hair can make your garden grow. But URINE?
This from some British Magazine I was reading:
Gardeners at a National Trust property in Cambridgeshire are urging people to relieve themselves outdoors to help gardens grow greener.
Greener?
In my neighborhood, you can always tell where the stray dogs have been by the yellow patches in the green grass. Pee seems like a terrible way to water plants, but not so according to botanists in England.
According to that jounal: Head gardener Philip Whaites is urging his male colleagues to pee on the straw bale to activate the composting process on the estate’s compost heap.
That’s a clinical way of saying “go piss on the plants Earl!”
Mr. Whaites is quoted as saying “pee bale” is only in use out of visitor hours, since “we don’t want to scare the public”.
Yeah a bunch of horticulturists hanging ten outside the green house isn’t good for business.
In my college years, I tried using urine to promote the growth of the stucco on the outside of a local beer tavern. The problem is, the pee only stained the stucco, and apparently the owner of the business wasn’t British and he started throwing fists. Well that’s another story for another day, but suffice it to say, pee on the side of a building was not considered scientific or socially acceptable.
I guess that’s the difference between our two cultures. Urinate in public in America for almost any reason and Johnny law grabs you by the scruff of your neck and drags you off to jail. In Britain, they give you a 4-H ribbon and call you a horticulturist.
The English publication indicates that men are the primary sources of urination in the study. I guess having outdoor plumbing helps, but what about lady farmers? What if the fairer sex wants to add her urine to the crop circle of life? Can’t she squat on the same compost heap? The boys in the greenhouse say no. It sounds sexist to me.
“There are obvious logistical benefits to limiting it to male members of the team,” whaites says. “but also male pee is preferable to women’s, as the male stuff is apparently less acidic.”
Well there you have it. Male pee is less acidic. Anyone who has ever scrubbed a urinal in a bus station knows that. So it’s settled, men will continue to hydrate the crops. You women folk go and bake us some muffins.
By the end of the year, it was calculated that the 10 men from the 70-strong garden and estates team will make more 1,000 individual trips to the pee bale, contributing towards the compost for the estate.
That sure is going to be a stench filled green house if you ask me.
As Robert Duval said in Apocalypse Now :”The acrid smell of a 100 gallons of urine in the morning smells like…..VICTORY!
And here’s the Al Gore part of the story: The estate said it will have saved up to 30% of its daily water use by not having to flush the loo so many times. Well if you can flush the loo 30% less times, then I say “hang em if you got em”
And that is Crazy!