You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
Osama Bin Laden watching porn.
I know he has a couple of wives and a sexy ass beard and a turban that says “I am all that with a bag of chips” but come on.
The idea of a skeletor faced, meglo-maniac crouched in front of a 12 inch black and white TV watching porn – well, that’s a mental image that makes my bowels rumble.
I first heard of this story on TWITTER. What? I thought to myself. Say it ain’t so.
I needed to know. So I googled two concepts that seemingly have no connection to each other.
OSAMA / PORN.
That’s like Googling Survivor and brain surgery. It’s like Googling Ham and Jews who love ham. It’s like Googling cock roaches and dental floss. It’s just convoluted.
Instantaneously the Google God delivered to my visual doorstep a slew of stories that remind me that Osama Bin Laden was nothing more than a perp with access to gun powder and Jugs magazine.
According to published reports: After Seal Team 6 blasted a side door in O’s eye, they located a stash of pornography that is “fairly extensive” according to the officials, who discussed the discovery with Reuters on condition of anonymity.
Reports from Abbottabad have said that bin Laden’s compound was cut off from the Internet. It is unclear how compound residents would have acquired the pornography.
That means he wasn’t downloading porn or watching the Playboy Channel. That means he probably had a bunch of old VHS tapes of Debbie Does Dallas and What’s behind the Green door.
Can you imagine date night at Casa Bin Laden? A glass of goat milk, some Just For Men beard dye, wife number 2, humus and a smutty film starring some American Nypho contortionist.
So while O hated America, he liked our porn stars “buns up and dealing”.
How you like that Al Qaida? Your number one terrorist was saluting America secretly under his robe. Isn’t that a diabolical conflict of interest?
No wonder this guy wanted to blow stuff up. He lived in a spartan room in Abbotabad, not exactly the honeymoon capitol of the World. He lived without wireless, a house full of goats, a 12 inch TV from the 70’s, his loins jacked with Viagra, bad American porn, and a deep hatred for Patriotism.
That’s like blending a cocktail of everything in your medicine cabinet, downing it with a shot of Wild Turkey 101 and topping it off with a box full of Alka Seltzer. It’s a dyspeptic brew of angst that makes me wonder how his head didn’t pop off his neck like a broken Osama Bin Laden Pez Dispenser.
Of course nobody in the Middle East believes Osama Bin Porn Star is real. They say it’s American propaganda to make the bearded perp look bad.
Come on Al Qaida, like we have to make O look bad?
And that is crazy.™