You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
Neon – colored dogs!
Dogs so iridescent you can use them under water as a diving light.
Dogs so bright you can put them on your front lawn at Christmas.
Dogs so visually intense, the Kardashians tried to rent them out as mood lighting for a private party.
This next story is from the genetically mutated department. It’s a frightening little tale from Korea where scientists are creating petri dish pooches that glow in the dark.
I know what you’re saying to yourself
“Cordan you crazy boy. What you been smoking?”
This next story makes you wonder where the threshold of insanity begins and acceptability ends.
Apparently in South Korea, dogs that glow in the dark are the welcome mat into the crazy carnival.
Making a dog in the laboratory with the reflective properties of a traffic cone apparently is OK with the Korean scientific community. Of course it is!
I wonder what PETA thinks about dogs that glow like plutonium?
Will women bare their souls and all else and lather on the phosphorescent paint to protest? I sure hope so. Gotta love a good naked PETA demonstration.
So here’s what we know. Researchers have genetically modified a pooch to be a living glow stick when it eats a certain chemical and is then placed under a black light.
Honestly, who uses a black light except teenage stoners and 20/20 reporters looking at hotel sheets?
Wouldn’t it be cool to have a Korean Glow dog at a Grateful Dead show?
“Dude your glowing dog is so awesome,” the acid heads would giggle.
Or how about taking your Korean Test Tube K-9 to a rave and wearing the little dog around your neck like a black light enhanced scarf.
Talk about Crazy Couture!™
According to published reports the dog is named Tegon and is 2-years old. Authorities report the dog glows green under UV lights.
I’ve seen the video. It’s not a dull green like maybe nobody will notice your dog is green. I’m talking repulsive, night vision goggle, fluorescent high intensity green that makes your nervous system uncomfortable.
It’s the kind of green that leprechauns wear when they go jogging in the dark.
It’s the kind of brilliant, blinding, neon green that can cause a man to lose an erection.
Researchers say they are creating the glow in the dark animals to eventually defeat human diseases like Parkinson’s.
I got a C+ in biology and chemistry so who the hell am I to argue, but I know crazy when I hear crazy, and damn this sounds crazy.
I am all for defeating diseases, I’m just afraid crazy pet owners like Paris Hilton are going to order glow in the dark Chihuahuas for the club scene.
Researcher Byeong Chun Lee said this of the glow in the dark beagle named Tegon.
“The creation of Tegon opens new horizons since the gene injected to make the dog glow can be substituted with genes that trigger fatal human diseases.”
All I know is that Penicillin was discovered because someone left bread out too long. Nobody needed to create a phosphorescent petri-pony to rid the world of syphilis. Nope, all we needed was a sandwich and a day when the maid was gone. Bread plus laziness = mold = cured diseases. Who’d have “thunk it?”
Have the Koreans never heard of moldy toast?
You keep growing glow in the dark dogs Korean lab guys, whatever.
and that is crazy. ™