You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy!™
The airport screening process in this country.
In a post 911 world everything changed.
First it was take off your shoes.
Then it was dump your water bottle in the trash.
Now it’s turn your head and cough “I am going to sue you if you touch my Junk!”
Really? “Touch my Junk?”
Is this the new lexicon of the travel season?
Excuse us sir while we cup your Junk.
Thanks to the viral you tube nature of our society, I now have to explain to my kids why someone might touch their baby Junk when we go see Me-Maw.
“Daddy, why is some man going to touch Mr. Willy”
“I don’t know son. Eat your Happy Meal.”
It’s gone F-In Crazy!
I was in the Nashville international airport recently talking to flyers at the luggage carousel. The topic: personal liberties versus public safety.
You know what they say, opinions are like Junk, everyone has one.
We were discussing the new, invasive TSA screening procedures.
As one woman told me, you’re either going to get groped or they’re going to look at you naked.
Not exactly true, but you know what it’s not so far from the truth.
I heard it all.
As long as I land safely, I don’t care what they do.
I don’t want to be felt up by a bunch of security guards.
I don’t want my naked pictures sold on the internet.
The women I spoke with, by and large, didn’t have a problem with the screening device as much as they did with the new pat down procedure.
The new pat down procedure is hands on to say the least.
The TSA guys are getting more action than Hugh Heffner at the Playboy mansion.
It use to be a cursory check with the backs of hands.
Now it’s invasive. Palms up. Candlelight and soft music.
Wam Bam Thank Ya mam.
Next!
I swear I saw an 80 year old woman getting felt up by the TSA screeners in Dallas.
You think granny is concealing gun powder in those bad boys? I thought to myself as I stopped to look.
I watched as Granny was spread eagle and some lady was working up her thigh and around her underarms.
The F***ing terrorists have won, I thought to myself.
I understand the need to be safe. I understand the need to be free. The line is hazier than ever now.
Last year the Government made me dump shampoo. Like that made a difference.
This year they are feeling up my grandma. Like that is going to make a difference.
What’s next year? Are they going to shove a thumb in my butt and tell me my prostate is a concern. Have a nice flight.
You see, I want to land without my nose in seat 12 D and my spleen in first class as much as the next guy, but I also understand the basic American need to be free, to cock my shot gun of liberty and say “Get off my lawn and get your hand out of my wife’s sweater.
If the pat down wasn’t eye opening, now the Screening Machine is raising controversy as well.
Pilots say it’s unnecessary. Pregnant women worry about radiation to the fetus.
Some of us worry that the Perps, I mean TSA screeners will take the images of the hot college co-ed into the bathroom and do unthinkable things.
What is the answer? Is there an answer?
Fly Free! Fly Safe!
This country is unlike any other in the world. We are predicated on freedom. Freedom of expression. Freedom of religion. Freedom to bear arms. Freedom not to have an underwear bomb explode over Detroit.
In 1756 Ben Franklin said these words: Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
The words are 250 years old but they never had truer meaning than today.
Think about that this holiday season as some guy with rubber gloves is touching your junk and feeling up grandma.
Think about that as you raise your arms and a TSA perp says smile for the camera and you wonder if private parts will end up on America’s Funniest Home Videos.
Freedom v Safety.
Battle lines are drawn. Only time will tell.
And that is crazy!