You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy!
The coroner’s report for Nichola Paginton.
Who is Nichola Paginton? You haven’t heard the sorted tale of the British Nanny who literally died from sex?
Well as they said on Gilligan’s Island: Sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip:
Paginton was only 30-years-old. She was in the sexual prime of her life. Apparently she had a little down time at the job when she decided to engage in a little extra curricular activity.
Right about then; the Grim Reaper shows up on his vibrating scythe and takes this young hottie years before her time.
You can’t make this crap up. The police say the young woman was found dead after she viewed porno and used a sex toy.
Wow!
And that’s from the police report! Can you imagine the autopsy photos?
The coroner’s report said she died while using a sex toy: What was she using, an outboard motor? A weed wacker? A cake mixer hooked up to a car battery?
Who the hell dies from too much sexual stimulation?
OK, the old Texas billionaire that Anna Nicole was dating. Didn’t he have a massive coronary during sex? But honestly, he was older than a Pacific Sea Tortoise. And after all, isn’t that the way we all want to go out? With Anna Nicole on top?
What makes this story even more odd? Paginton is a nanny. A nanny! Can you imagine this happening in the nursery of your home? As the kids like to say: O M G!!
Here’s a headline for you:
CHILDREN’S NANNY FOUND DEAD; NAKED FROM THE WAIST DOWN!
According to authorities; this hottie tottie was found with Asian Porn on her laptop. Actually I just made up the Asian porn part just to see if you were still paying attention. You still paying attention?
Authorities say a sexual aid was discovered next to her naked torso. I love the word torso, especially when followed by the word: naked.
So what was the C.O.D.? (cause of death) for you people who don’t lay on a couch all day watching every crime drama on the USA network!
C.O.D. Sudden Heart Arrhythmia, the coroner reports. Probably brought on by her state of arousal.
Gloucestershire coroner Alan Crickmore agreed it was likely that ‘her activity before death’ contributed to the fatal arrhythmia.
“Activity before death”
Very diplomatically put Mr. Crickmore. Damn the British are stuffy. “Activity before death”
If this hot young thing died in Brazil, you think the cororner would use such uptight phraseology?
In Brazil the autopsy goes a little something like this: While clawing the canopy of her four post bed, screaming in 2 Latin dialects, Senorina Paginton experienced a rush of arrousal, so intense, so stratospsheric, that it washed over her like a rip tide. Clinging to her battery operated lover, with her naked torso glistening in the moonlight, the young woman, pushing the parameters of her own sexuality, screamed in exstasy. Then, while smiling in an afterglow of satisfaction, her own heart came to a screeching halt. Police found her naked from the waist down, a smile still clinging to her pouty, luscious lips.
Back to the stuffy British Police report:
Neighbor Michelle Grant peered through the window and Miss Paginton through the curtains, lying on her bed with her cat lying on her chest.
Her cat lying on her dead, lifeless chest.
Did you ever!!!!
Damn!
Police say the laptop was still displaying pornographic material.
I rest my case.
Dying with no pants, Asian Porn on your lap top, a cat snuggling your boobs and a vibrator still smoking nearby…
That my dear reader is Crazy, regardless of what nationality your coroner happens to be!