you know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
The crazy weather in this country.
I climbed into my car today and sat down. Suddenly my ass was on fire. My butt cheeks started to melt together like two pieces of American Cheese in a toaster oven.
The seats were so hot, my thighs started to bake through my slacks. I yelped like a puppy whose tail is slammed in the door.
I needed to lift my ass up so I grabbed the steering wheel for support and suddenly I felt the fire go into my finger tips.
I felt like the witch in the Wizard of Oz trying to grab Dorothy’s Ruby Red Slippers.
Curse you Dorothy, and your little dog too!
“OUCH”
The steering wheel is on fire. My ass is on fire. My fingers are on fire. I’m breathing in a deep breath of super heated fire air.
What gives?
I stare out the window and the nearby bank sign is on tilt like a pin ball machine melting like an ice cream cone on a hot sidewalk.
The sun is crushing us with so much oppressive heat, it is almost nauseating. I feel like I am living inside of a toaster.
And while we are getting broiled here in the South, The Gulf is still trying to dry out after being pounded by Tropical storm Debbie.
Rain, rain and more rain created a monsoon for these poor folks. Floods and canoes and cars up to their engine blocks in water.
WTF?
As if that’s not enough, the Colorada looks like something from an armeggedon film. The world is consumed by smoke and fires and ash. It’s orange and choking. I see satellite imagery from space and you can see plumes of smoke over Colorado. It is frighteningly spectacular. Homes are burning and people are crying. It is scary.
Is it the end of days? Is it Al Qaida?
I don’t know if there is a global weather change, but something is going on. Is the sun closer to the Earth? Is someone holding a magnifying glass over us?
Weather is crazy. It seems like what were once thunderstorms now launch hail bombs blowing up rooves and car windshields.
What use to be gentle rain now becomes a monsoon flooding homes and ruining lives.
Everything is just more ferocious.
Places that never saw tornadoes now get them ripping apart neighborhoods.
It hasn’t rained for weeks here in Tennessee and we’re starting to get a grass fire an hour. Houses are burning left and right and every lawn crunches like plastic under your shoe.
The temperature reportedly topped out at 100 today. I’m told it will be 106 friday. That’s crazy heat, man. Is this Saudi Arabia or the USA?
We were one of the hottest places on the planet. How is that possible? Nashville is nowhere near the equator, or is it?
Something’s crazy. Is it the Santa Ana’s? Is God pissed?
Hurricane season hasn’t even begun yet, but I’ll betcha, based on the craziness so far, it’s going to be a lulu.
Watch out America, Mother nature has a wild hair up her ass and she’s bringing it with a vengence.
And that is crazy.™