You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™
Political Crack.
Toronto’s Mayor admits he smoked crack.
Unbelievable.
What in the name of Marion Barry is going on here?
When a big city mayor is caught in a scandal. His career, his life can go one of two ways.
It all begins with a random decision to take a hit off the pipe. A crazy, unbelievably irresponsible moment to do something so wrong and so unbelievable, yet it is done without reservation or concern.
That hit translates into a rocking buzz, and a chemical dependency that kidnaps the mayor’s psyche like a run-a-way boy’s trip to Vegas.
The crack high diminishes and is replaced by a need for more crack to fill the void left by ecstasy and lust.
Soon hushed whispers and quiet innuendo sprout in the pathway around the mayor.
Who knew what and when did they know it?
The whispers start in the shadows at first, but eventually they find their way to the light. Like mushrooms in dung, they grow unabashedly and must be dealt with.
Did the mayor smoke illegal drugs?
The innuendo grows. It’s a pimple fueled by crack smoke and a diet filled of fried foods and chocolate.
The question of the mayor’s guilt becomes a pronouncement of the mayor’s guilt.
Soon the cops are involved, and the drug addicts are involved and the whores who smoked crack with the mayor are involved.
Soon it’s a toilet of regurgitating opinions and half truths.
Finally the discussion becomes angry and forceful. The mayor is now the center piece of a full fledged allegation and accusation of wrong doing.
The mayor is chased relentlessly by news crews and pundits who call for his job.
Finally the festering zit of public opinion, erupts, boiling over in a fire storm of disgrace and public demands for his head.
There are two doors before the mayor.
Through one door the mayor will find more crack cocaine and a life that spirals into a dumpster of despair.
The other door leads the mayor back to the future. Somehow he can rise above the fray and still rule the largest city in Canada.
And this is the door that Toronto Mayor Rob Ford chooses.
Tuesday he stood before the cameras and boldly said “Yes I smoked Crack Cocaine!”
Those 5 little words uttered by Mayor Rob Ford have literally set him free.
Yes I smoked Crack Cocaine.
It’s like a bad segment on Sesame Street, called Crack Alley, with your mayor, Da Pimp.
Five little words.
Yes. I. smoked. Crack. Cocaine.
Put them together and it’s words with friends for a mayor who politically went all in.
I don’t smoke crack, but you know what, I feel better saying those five words.
It’s liberating.
It’s amazing that you can do something so diabolical while in public office, and then when there is no escape from the growing controversy, simply stand in the bright lights of truth and vomit up your soul.
When in doubt apologize. Say your sorry. Act sorry. Sniffle, and pause and wipe away a tear whether there’s one there or not.
Say your sorry and all will be forgiven. I’m sorry I cheated on my wife. I am sorry I crave Pee Wee Herman’s Play House. I’m sorry I smoked crack. Yes, I admit it, I like Waffel House Coffee.
Can you imagine the campaign promise from Toronto Mayor Rob Ford.
And if elected, I promise to lower taxes, increase police patrols and did I mention, not smoke any more crack.
What a campaign slogan: I smoked crack cocaine. Now vote for Rob and nobody gets hurt.
And you know what’s amazing? Ford isn’t only apologizing, he’s using the contrition to garner support and keep his job running Canada’s largest city.
And it’s winning. He’s up 5 points in public opinion polls.
Is that crazy? How relatable is a crack smoking fat man to the voting public in the great white north.
You’ve got to hand it to the legislating fat man.
Standing before an onslaught of reporters he was asked “have you ever smoked crack?”
His response? “Have I tried it? Maybe in one of my drunken stupors.”
In one of my drunken stupors.
Classic response. Contrition with a spine of levity.
Where do I vote for this guy?
“Admitting it is the most difficult and embarrassing thing i have ever had to do,” he said.
Admitting?
For this phony baloney fat man, admitting smoking crack was the hardest thing?
I think getting caught was the hardest thing.
But I would also think smoking crack with a bunch of zombies in a tenement building would be pretty embarrassing.
I know you Canadians like your hockey and your beer and your bacon.
But please don’t let a choreographed cathartic moment dull your judgment.
Your mayor broke the law or at least broke your trust.
He admits to smoking rock cocaine.
Make him step down and start again.
There has to be some penalty for being this egregious.
As Dean Wormer once said to Bluto in Animal House
Fat drunk and stupid is no way to go through life son.
Words to live by mayor. Words to live by.
Life’s Crazy™