You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™
Big Butt Mentality.
Scientists from the University of Oxford have discovered that women with larger than average butts are not only increasingly intelligent but also very resistant to chronic illnesses.
Baby got Back, right?
That and a bottle of cough syrup will have you seeing Charles Manson finger painting on your bedroom ceiling.
If the Baby Got Back Study is true, then women with big asses are smarter and healthier than small ass women?
Let me get this straight. Big ass = higher IQ?
That’s a scientific reach, don’t you think.
BAIQ
Big Ass Intelligent Quotient.
If that’s true, then lady walking up the stairs ahead of me me is the Einstein of asses. Her rump is the physical incarnation of E=MC2. Her ass is a gravitational force literally pulling me up the stairs. I am drawn to this woman’s gigantic ass like Fox News is drawn to Sarah Pallin.
Is this woman smarter?
She sure is bigger.
Her ass is a small country. It’s Iwo Gima with soldiers trying to plant a flag in it.
The study says a big ass is healthier. Really? This slow motion dinosaur of flab waddling up the stairs is health?
Over the piano music filtering through the restaurant, I hear her pursive breathing, I sense her over worked heart pounding.
I can almost see gravitational waves trying to yank on that ass, trying to roll it down the stairs.
Healthier? I don’t think so. I pray I don’t have to give her mouth to mouth.
Smarter? Maybe. Maybe not. There is an elevator she could have taken. How smart was that?
I look at the aerobics instructor also walking up the stairs for comparison.
Her tiny ass is so firm stock brokers call it for tips.
The little ass is perky and bouncy and healthy in a way that should be outlawed in some states.
Is the little ass girl less smart?
She looks pretty damn smart to me. A bunch of guys watching her go up the stairs think she looks pretty smart too.
The ass study sounds like another badly funded waste of time, perhaps sponsored by the society for big ass women.
According to ABC News, the results found that women with bigger backsides tend to have lower levels of cholesterol and are less likely to have diabetes or heart problems.
And having a big butt requires an excess of Omega 3 fats, which have been proven to catalyze brain development. The researchers also found that the children born to women with wider hips are intellectually superior to the children of slimmer, less curvy mothers.
The woman walking up the stairs ahead of me certainly qualifies for this study. Her ass is super sized. It’s so big it has it’s own tidal pattern. This ass is so big, it’s branded by the Cattleman’s Association of America.
Is this lady, with an ass the size of a Buick, smarter than the tiny ass girl beside me?
I doubt it.
The tiny ass girl is in good shape. She works hard and cares about what she eats.
Smarter? Healthier? This study is a joke.
Is a flabby rhinoceros smarter than a cheetah?
As we ascend the stair case, I wonder how the ass ahead of me can even be stuffed into a pair of pants.
That’s the true brilliance of this moment. Fabric durable enough to contain a neutron star collapsing upon itself.
This ass of creation is so immense, so big, God needed an 8th day to create it.
And a jean company has corralled it.
Now they should study that.
Maybe the big ass woman is brilliant. If she wasn’t how could she find pants to fit all that extra ass she has.
The skinny ass girl goes to the shelf and pulls out a pair of jeans with Length and Width and she’s off to buy ribbons for her hair.
But the big ass, girth toting, Sasquatch ass woman, there is no shelf for her.
So maybe she is smarter. She shops with a slide rule to figure out where to put the rest of her ass. While the skinny ass girl is buying barettes, the big ass woman is doing quantum physics, blowing up her calculator carrying Pi to it’s ultimate decimal point.
Fat ass women smarter?
Maybe?
But don’t you think they’d give up some smarts for a little less ass density?
“Professor Konstantinos Manolopoulos, who leads the team at the University of Oxford, says that women with more fat on the buttocks have lower levels of cholesterol and glucose.”
I like what Professor Mix A Lot had to say on the matter.
“I like big butts and I can not lie. You other brothers can’t deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung, wanna pull out your tough
‘Cause you notice that butt was stuffed.”
That is profound, isn’t it.
That Butt was stuffed!!
Yeah I just said that.
What Professor Mix-A-Lot is saying is there is a shape for everyone. I like the skinny girl ass, but that’s me. I’m a serial skinny ass guy.
But for Professor Mix-A-Lot, “Deep in the jeans she’s wearing. I’m hooked and I can’t stop staring.”
Life’s Crazy™