You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
How different parts of the country mark the spring.
In California, Spring becomes official when at least 3 women have come forward claiming to have the love child of the former Governor.
In Missouri, you know it’s May when a demonic -end of the world -tornado destroys 1/2 your town.
And in New York, Spring is official when the corpses begin rising to the surface.
WTF?
DATELINE: NYC – Police report a “macarbe event” that makes children cry and dogs lick their chops.
Like a scene from Dawn of the Dead, bodies are begining to surface.
Police call them “floaters” because after months of being submerged in a cold murky grave, the waters are warming and churning.
Like corpse kites flying on a liquid air current, the bodies are rising from the dark depths to light.
According to published reports: Last year 13 floaters surfaced in the spring. What a lucky number don’t you think?
Rather than wonder why so many dead bodies are ending up in the river – some are concentrating on the thermal mechanics of why the corpses are floating.
The reason: Icy waters slow the decomposition process during the winter, which helps conceal submerged bodies. Warmer spring weather raises water temperatures, speeding decomposition and causing the release of gases. “The buildup of the gases is what makes the body more buoyant and float to the top,” Police spokesmen said.
That’s nice. Water warms, body’s begin to ferment like an alka selter tablet dropped in a seven up bottle.
Plop Plop Fizz Fizz, oh what a relief it is.
The reaction of fermenting death and deteriorating stewing body parts creates a noxious release that fills the skin and helps it float.
It’s gross, but explains the phenomenon.
so if Paris is the city of lights, and Hoboken the city of dog crap on the sidewalk, then New York is the city of Floaters.
Let’s see that on a bumper sticker.
And that is crazy.™