You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
Breaking into a man’s home and putting up his Christmas decorations.
The burglar who does this is also the burglar who subscribes to Martha Stewart then gets high on the pipe.
The bandit who does this thinks he is a good samaritan for giving you back a little bit of your own stuff.
So who breaks into a house and accesorizes with a distinctly St. Nick theme?
A dumb ass, that’s who.
Hey dumb ass; If you are going to burglarize, have some common courtesy.
Rule 1. Steal and get the hell out. Don’t come into my house and desecrate, fornicate, obfuscate, denegrate or break stuff. Just steal like the worm vomit you are and get the F out.
Just steal my Nana’s gold watch – she left to me on her death bed -and vamoose.
But whatever you do, don’t go into my Christmas decorations and start trimming my damn tree.
DATELINE: OHIO
According to WHIO-TV, Terry Trent broke in to a Central Ohio house, lit a candle and turned on a television before doing some Christmas decorating.
How Bed Bath and Beyond of you Trent.
According to the local cops, the 44 year old has a history of drug charges. Now brace yourself. The cops say he was high on bath salts when he decided to deck the halls.
Hey Trent, while your smoking incense, why not make some Jiffy Pop Pop Corn and pour yourself a shot of Maker’s Mark.
Why not fill the kid’s stockings with candy canes and wrap a few presents while you’re all up in their business getting your Perp on.
Why do you think you can just come into a home and touch their Christmas decorations? You want to touch something, go pet a cactus!
You are the worst kind of criminal, one who is so stupid, you feel entitled.
Now here’s the kicker; the family’s 11 year old son came home and found Trent just sitting there, on a couch.
I can imagine that magic moment.
“Hey kid. I’m Trent the burglar. What up?”
The kid called his mom, who called police. According to published reports, the stupid burglar was polite telling the kid “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I’ll get my things and leave.”
Not so fast Martha Stewart. Christmas lights and a polite disposition don’t exactly give you a free pass.
Cops arrested bath salt santa and locked him behind bars. It just goes to show you that Christmas cheer, and good House Keeping magazine will only get you so far.
And that is crazy.