You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
Dead chicken carcass in the air vents.
Some guys just don’t know when to walk away. Some guys don’t know when they’ve worn out their welcome.
Take a hike buster. Haul ass. Hasta Lavista Baby.
This next story is from the “what the hell were you thinking department?”
DATELINE: DENVER, Colo.
It’s here that an ex husband is facing 18 years in prison for his latest act of matrimonial terrorism.
The alleged idiot’s name is Ronald Smith. According to police reports the 58-year-old broke into his wife’s Denver-area home when she was out of town.
He could have written her a dear Jane letter. He could have drawn happy faces on the mirror with her lipstick. That’s weird but not necessarily criminal.
Apparently Smith has some issues.
He reportedly danced on her hardwood floors with bicycle spikes. He reportedly poured bleach inside her baby grand piano. He wiped clean the hard drive of her computer.
But that wasn’t enough for this man gone mental.
According to cops; floor repair guys smelled something awful.
“Hey Jimmy what’s that smell?”
“Smells like you after an hour on the treadmill, Vince.”
Ha ha ha.
What the flooring boys found was disturbing. They discovered raw chicken wrapped in blue tape and placed in two air ducts.
The air was putrid, rancid, smoldering in a foul stench.
The ex-wife testified that Smith had sent her some bizarre emails and texts before the break-in, including one asking her if she wanted some chicken that was about to expire.
Huh?
Hey numb nuts, if you are going to break into your X’s place, you don’t tell her you’re going to break into her place. Were you going to send her a Christmas Card and ask her if she likes the smell of rotting meat?
What an idiot.
The convictions for second-degree burglary and criminal mischief could bring a combined sentence of up to 18 years in prison.
Hope you like the essence of jail house fart, wrapped around your face Mr. Smith, because you sir deserve to get a Cell block C ass waxing.
And that is crazy.