You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
Making ice cream out of breast milk.
Wait a moment while I clean the vomit off my lap top.
Are you kidding me?
Why not make hamburgers out of lipo-suction lard?
Go ahead and make me a double breasted suit out of man hair.
I’m not that fond of Vanilla and you are going to churn lactating liquid into desert?
I’m astounded and saddened.
DATELINE: LONDON
According to published reports: Breast milk ice cream was being scooped up by British customers after a London ice cream parlor used milk donated by a UK mom to make the “totally natural” treat.
A natural treat? Only in a country that thinks blood pie is a delicacy.
My Goodness you brits are ridiculous. What do you use to cleanse the pallet before a meal, chicken embryo sorbet?
According to the local news reports; Victoria Hiley, 35, a mother of one from northern England, has already donated a liter of her breast milk. The ice cream is now called Baby Gaga.
I’d rather do body shots of Rumple Mintz out of the lint infested belly button of lady Gaga after a yolk colonic.
I’d rather suckle at the poisnous tit of a BP soiled tarantuala.
I’d rather lick the cascading sweat of Shaquille Oneill’s under arm at the foul line than eat food made of Victoria Hiley’s boobs.
What’s wrong with Cow’s milk? It’s good enough for me, my kids, the cow’s kids? What’s wrong with goat milk? It’s used all over the world as an ingredient for cheese and a sexual device in the Middle East.
I would rather nurse from the nipple of a lactating Sherpa in a blinding snow storm.
I would rather suckle on the teet of a nursing Dachtsund.
I would rather bear hug a cactus covered in manure.
“What’s the harm in using my assets for a bit of extra cash?” said Hiley. “What could be more natural than fresh, free-range mother’s milk in an ice cream?” she added.
What could be more natural?
How about ingredients flown in from Mt Olympus on the wings of a sterilized unicorn. How about the magic potion mixed in a golden bowl by 7 vestil virgins.
Or if you are in England, you simply ask new moms to milk their own bosoms into a bag and rush it down to the local ice cream parlor.
Yum. I’m salavating as if I’m a cat and the can opener is ripping off the lid of a 9-Lives.
The ice cream parlor, based in London’s trendy Covent Garden district, pays $24 for every 10 ounces of milk and has already had 15 mothers become donors.
Each lactating woman undergoes the same health checks used by the UK’s National Health Service to screen blood donors.
Well thank God for that. I wouldn’t want to think that the woman secreting her baby milk into my Chocolate Chocolate Chip Moose Bits is an HIV drug user.
Matt O’Connor, 44, who runs Icecreamists, makes the dish by blending the breast milk with Madagascan vanilla pods and lemon zest.
“No-one’s done anything interesting with ice cream in the last hundred years,” he said. “Some people will hear about it and go, ‘yuck,’ but actually it’s pure, organic, free-range and totally natural.”
Yuck. yes. See entire story above!
Pure? depends on what your secretion merchants have done that day.
Free range? At least I know what my cows are eating? Grass.
Totally natural? Totally Gross.
When Ben and Jerry’s offers Lactation Livations as part of their insane menu that includes Chunky Monkey and Bonnaroo Buzz, well then that’s when I know that the world is rotating on an axis of crazy!