Blog

Bad Pork

You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™ Going to bed on a full stomach. I made the mistake of eating a huge pulled pork sandwich late last night. It was piled high like shredded cardboard headed to the recycling plant. It seemed to be seared to culinary perfection. It smelled like squealing delight. I smothered […]

Shut Up Lady

You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™Interminable Oration. I am staring at her mouth wondering if her jaw is held together with some space age polymer used by NASA. Her pie hole is a blur. Open. Shut. Open. Her lips are flapping like an oscillating fan spinning at a hundred miles an hour. The music in […]

The 3rd Major Lost

You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™ The British Open. Wow. Rain and wind and crazy history. It was the 144th Open Championship at St. Andrews, Scotland. The course has roads dissecting it, an ocean bordering it, and bunkers that are tougher than a fire walker’s callouses. This tournament had everything from rain […]

spider woman

You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™ The spider house. The woman is upset. She has every right to be upset. There are brown recluse spiders in her light fixture. Most are dead. One is still alive, moving around in the silhouette of the light. “It’s so gross,” she says almost folding in […]

The Median

You know what’ s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™ The median. What the hell am I doing out here? It’s like an automotive deserted island. I’m a freak show in a grass cage, as hundreds of cars drive by, gawking, staring, wondering. “What the hell is that news man doing out there?” It’s 90 […]

Midget March

You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™ Angry Dwarfs. It’s like crazy birds or wacky weasels without the free app. Angry Dwarfs sounds like a drinking game at State College. Toss the little person in the red solo cup and every one drink. From the totally absurd department, this one is a real knee […]

3-D Movie

You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™ 3-D My friend says to me, “I don’t know if it is worth the extra money.” I look at him and laugh. He is wearing his goofy 3D glasses and his Windsor knot scarf inside the theater. Oh it’s worth it Oliver Twist. It’s worth it. […]

Arctic Void of Possibilities

You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™ Staring at the interminable void and putting down thoughts. The white space on my computer screen is alluring and intimidating. It calls to me like a child predator with a candy apple. I am afraid, still I shuffle closer. “hello little boy. Would you like to write a […]

Prehistoric Stupidity

You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™ Prehistoric stupidity. How dumb are humans? Intelligence fluctuates between soap dish skum and toe nail clippings. If Darwin had his way, all the stupid fools on this planet would forget how to inhale. They would close their eyes and disappear in a paste of sedentary goo. But […]

Subway Sadness

You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™ The Jared Conspiracy. Are you kidding me? The guy loses 200 pounds eating Subway sandwiches. He’s a nobody, a fat guy, a ticking time bomb of cholesterol. And then he stumbles onto a culinary gold mine of an idea. This over weight jiggle belly starts eating every […]