3-D
My friend says to me, “I don’t know if it is worth the extra money.”
I look at him and laugh. He is wearing his goofy 3D glasses and his Windsor knot scarf inside the theater.
Oh it’s worth it Oliver Twist. It’s worth it.
3-D makes a lousy movie palatable. It makes a great movie spine tingling.
3-D could make a tax preparation commercial exciting. I would watch a bald guy at a desk, thrusting a pencil toward the screen. I’d back away in fear, trying to protect my eyes from his fierce computing skills.
I bring this to your attention after seeing the Hobbit. The movie was fun. Not great, but certainly entertaining.
If I had to describe the Hobbit, I would say that it’s reliance on sweeping panorama of mountains or shire, is superfluous. The film’s dependence on violence is sadly predictable and to the detriment of character development. There are so many battle scenes with so many monsters, enemies, and ugly creatures that it all blurs together in a peanut butter and jelly mess of what just happened. There are so many battle sequences that go on for so long that the movie is excessively long.
If you have a small bladder, if you have a normal sized bladder, I suggest you get a catheter and urinate into a tube tucked into your sock. The movie is 169 minutes long. That’ 49 minutes longer than other really good movies. In fact, I think you could probably cut out 49 minutes of ubiquitous battle sequences.
Other than that, bring a note pad so you can keep track of the incredibly difficult to remember names of 13 dwarves’ characters who all pretty much look the same. I also needed to physically remind myself to stay on top of the story and where it was going. There are so many plot twists right before and after battle sequences, you almost forget what the characters are doing outside of trying not to die.
That aside, 3-D makes this movie really cool. Then again, 3-D even makes the promos for movies to come fun.
Case in point: 20 years ago I saw Jurassic Park. It was a great movie in 2-D. Now to celebrate that anniversary, it is being remade in 3-D.
The 2 minute trailer pops off the screen. Things are flying around my head during the preview. Dinosaur feet in the background, and screaming kids hiding in a car in the center of the screen as rain is pouring down in front of my eyes. It is so cool, so layered, so much depth of perception.
I find myself looking up and down and left to right. There is so much to see. Leaves are floating out of the rafters as birds swoop from behind my seat into a sunset filled with pterodactyls. It’s fantastic. Thanks to 3-D, I am a cinematic voyeur swirling around the theater taking in the story.
Honestly, it’s like sitting inside a life size 3-D Viewmaster.
Movie Magic in the new millennium.
Life’s Crazy.™