You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™
Baby Cambridge AKA George Alexander AKA the baby king.
His royal highness, the baby has arrived.
Thank Goodness. Now we can go on to other things.
A plane from Nashville crash lands at Laguardia and it takes almost 6 minutes into the morning news to see footage of the nose gear collapsing and learn how many were injured in this near disaster.
If you want to lead a news cast with a plane crash, you had better do it on a day when the Princess isn’t buns up and dealing in the stirrups of life.
It was almost a face. The royal baby is here. The royal baby is here. It’s a boy. It’s a boy.
“Even the buildings proclaim the news,” World News Tonight Anchor, Diane Sawyer gushes, showing fountains and buildings lit up in blue lights.
The boy who would be king.
The coverage is sappy, and borderline embarrassing.
The anchors are effusive and giddy like teenage girls rushing to meet the Beatles.
This is a special edition of world news, the deep voiced anchor proclaims.
A special edition? Special edition of what?
I can see why this is big news in England? They have a monarchy and it is tradition.
There are plenty of places on this planet that still have ties to England. Canada, New Zealand and Australia. They lit up their buildings in blue.
The rest of the British empire is Jamaica, Barbados, The Bahamas, Papua New Guinea, Tuvalu, Solomon Islands, The Grenadines, Saint Lucia, St. Kitts and Nevis, Antigua and Belize.
If they want to break into regular programming for the birth of a baby, then have at it. The kid will one day be their king. I get that.
But why are we Americans going baby gaga? Why are we Yanks hanging losing our collective minds about a royal birth? We are publicly soiling ourselves. Didn’t we throw their tea in the harbor back in 1776 and tell them to go F*** themselves.
Didn’t we blast Red Coats to hell and back.
Yes yes, I know we are friends now, but still, 6 minutes in the morning. A Barbara Walters special?
“We could not be happier” Prince William says.
Well he’s the dad. Of course he couldn’t be happier. Though I imagine once Kate puts some of that pregnancy and birth behind her, the prince will find a way to get his Royal on and he will find his happy place once again, but I digress.
Why six minutes? Because they had Team Coverage. Team freaking Coverage.
That’s what broadcasters do to make something seem more important, with more segments and angles even when the segments and angles are not important and perhaps not even warranted.
“It’s History?” reporter, Lama Hasan spews from the front of Buckingham Palace.
She cares – alot! I don’t care – at all. Do you care?
I like babies. We all like babies. But come on.
Now that the little boy has a long boring name, perhaps we can move on. There is a lot of news out there, and that six minutes at the top of the 7am hour is the place it yearns to be.