You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™
When Donkey’s Fly.
I think the correct phrase is when Pigs Fly, but any barn yard animal will suffice.
When cows fly. When zebras fly.
When monkey fly into or out of your butt. That’s like an exclamation point!
The idea is the same and the animal that flies is somewhat irrelevant.
It’s an old colloquialism that parents have told children for years and years to get kids to give up, shut up, and move on.
“Hey dad, can I jump off the roof into the pool?”
“Sure Junior. When Pigs fly.”
And that is suppose to be the end of that.
Pigs will never fly so Junior can never jump off the roof into the pool and rupture his scrotum.
You get to have grand kids, Junior keeps his scrotum. It’s kind of a win win.
But thanks to the internet, those days of easy parental dismissal are waning.
My good friend and multi talented news photographer – P. Diddy Dunn – sent me a funny exchange with his daughter on Facebook.
It goes a little something like this:
“Technology is killing me and my parenting skills. Katherine asked me to do something for her I didn’t want to do. I told her I would do it when “donkeys fly.” She walks back in 2 minutes later to show me something on YouTube. Dang … they do fly! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEep5BrexT0 Man, wish I could show this to my parents!
What Katherine P. Diddy Dunn did was basically out-technology her old man.
Because she is a kid and he is an old man, she has a distinct advantage in finding things in .20 seconds that in the past were impossible to locate.
In this case, the young lady Googled: Donkey’s Flying.
Not only does it bring her daddy to his internet deficient knees but flying donkeys make for a crazy story.
So I watch P Diddy Dunn’s link, and it is entertaining.
The British News man says; “Our next story is from Southern Russia where police are investigating a flying Donkey.”
Flying Donkeys? Who doesn’t love flying donkeys? That sounds like a lead story in any language.
Flying donkeys are not only a lead story on Russian TV but they are key components in any LSD trip or Mary Poppins episode.
According to the newsman, the donkey was forced to parasail by parasailing promoters who obviously are lacking in certain equine safety regulations.
Think about it.
You own a seaside parasailing business and you want to corner the market on the sky. What better way than to promote consumer satisfaction and safety.
You want people to walk down the beach and sign the waiver, put their lives on hold, so they can let you and your questionable safety record drag them along the shore line of some tropical location with questionable health care.
What says “Hey honey, let’s go parasailing” Like a flying donkey!
And there it is in all it’s four hoofed glory.
A flying donkey. Just saying flying donkey is fun. It’s like saying Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious in a Tampa strip club.
According to reports, the poor creature is braying like a, well, like a scared ass.
Wouldn’t you?
The animal is strapped into a make shift harness and being towed 100 feet in the air along the beach.
All this Jack Ass wants to do is eat grass and poop in a field.
Staring at the aqua marine layer and the fat tourists on the beach is not the donkey’s idea of a good time.
The broadcaster says the donkey was braying in a terrified way.
Terrified Braying?
Sounds like a punk band out of Seattle.
You don’t hear terrifying braying everyday.
Petrified meowing? maybe.
bewildered Oinking? sometimes?
Befuddled clucking? Rarely.
Terrified Braying! That’s just crazy.
According to published reports, the terrified braying donkey lands in the water just off shore.
And in the immoral words of Colonel Kilgore, in Apocalypse Now standing on the Mekong Delta, “EVERYONE KNOWS DONKEY DON’T SURF”
People on shore are both horrified and intrigued.
“Hey Mable, look at that terrified braying donkey. How much you think it costs to parasail?”
Yep, nothing sells parasailing like a donkey majestically soaring through the sky.
The announcer finishes the story saying “Animal Cruelty charges and a two year jail sentence are possible.”
Sounds reasonable to me.
So to Katherine, I salute you. You outsmarted your old man because, he is, well he is old.
We daddy dinosaurs who inanely thought that donkey’s cannot fly have now been corrected.
But, Katherine, as you so astutely proved, the internet is the new truth. It is the purveyor of all the world’s information. If IT can be found it will be found.
Questions like “When Donkeys fly?” are now just rhetorical sentences to plug into waiting search engines competing for your attention.
So P. Diddy, the next time you think when Donkey’s Fly.
Say something that can never be proven in a search engine or anywhere else.
Tell your daughter: Yes Katherine. You can do that when Justin Bieber proves he is smart, or when Congress is efficient or donkeys floss their immense molars with coconut husk.
Remember. Lifes crazy™
Google that!