You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
When animals attack.
Don’t you love it when the deer rushes out of the woods, jumps up on his hind legs and kicks the hunter’s ass with a beautiful left hoof right hoof combo?
How about the fisherman speeding over the river and 20 pound fish are exploding out of the water like torpedoes, landing in the boat, striking the anglers. Hilarious!
How about when the goose at the petting zoo suddenly Honks the loser with the cam corder right in the groin. that usually is followed by a quick cut-a-way of the America’s Funniest Home Videos audience Chucklin their Motha F-in Asses off!
Those stories are funny. The following is just kind of sad.
DATELINE LONDON (AP)
Britain’s postal service says it has suspended deliveries to a woman following repeated attacks by her 19-year-old cat.
What?
How dangerous can a cat be? Especially a 19 year old cat? Is it a tiger? Is it wielding a machete and smoking a blunt? Is the cat waiting by the mailbox with a shot gun reading the anarchists cookbook and reciting poetry by Timothy Leary?
Or, as I suspect, are mail carriers in London P***y’s? Get the Feline Pun?
According to the Associated Press: Royal Mail said Friday that it had halted deliveries because postal workers had already sustained “nasty injuries” at the address in the town of Farsley, near Leeds in northern England.The woman was identified as a 43-year-old pharmacy worker. Media reports say she found it hard to believe that her cat, named “Tiger,” could be behind the attacks.She told two newspapers the animal spent most of its day sleeping and didn’t have the energy to chase postal workers.
First of all; the cat is 19 years old. That’s like 138 years in people years. A rock is more aggressive than a 138 year old cat. What’s the worst that can happen? The cat drools on the mail carrier? It sprays the mailman with some fermenting cat urine?
come on you mail carrying wimps? I could see an alligator slowing you down from delivering mail in the Everglades? I could understand a Woolly Mammoth slowing you down in Antarctica. I could even see a swarm of locusts slowing you down in Biblical Egypt.
But a house cat?
Check the box that applies.
If you fear house cats, you are also lacking: Testicles? check!
a Y chromosome. Check.
Dedication to duty: Where do I sign that box?
What job are you British Postal carriers in Leeds qualified for?
I mean it’s not like this a crab boat in the Bering Sea.
Every job has a certain degree of danger.
Pop Corn Poppers can be burned. Pillow Fluffers can throw out their back. Even Rubix Cube Polishers could take out an eye, if the cube becomes too slippery.
So here’s my advice postal carriers. The next time the opportunity presents itself, and you feel that sudden surge of fight or flight adrenaline, do yourself a favor. Grow a pair and pet that pussy. Everyone will be the better for it.
And that is crazy!