You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s Crazy. Weather predicting.
Let’s just get this out of the way, right here, right now.
I’ve been storm chasing for years. I have seen devastation and I have seen death. I have seen lives saved because a weather caster storm tracked a tornado’s ass right into a subdivision and ordered the Johnson family to find their safe place.
It is on these horrific days that weather casters should be saluted as heroes, as life savers. Pin a medal on their chests and promise not to ask them if your lawn will get watered this week. When storm trackers storm track accurately, these are the phenomenally powerful moments of television. It’s like the radar angels have descended from the heavens, with huge Doppler smiles on their faces, breathing prescient knowledge into the brains of techno TV geeks who have impressive meteorological degrees but sad social lives.
If only your local weather man could forecast the powerball numbers.
But like you, I can get pretty irritated when the weather man isn’t telling me to run for my life, but is just trying to decide whether it’s going to rain or shine.
Have you ever turned on the tube and the 7 day has a bunch of boxes filled with sunny faces and angry storm clouds.
A smiling sun and a pissed off rain cloud both crammed in Monday’s box.
A huge question mark stapled to Wednesday.
I mean make a decision.
it’s like answering a yes or no question with a “yes” and a “no”.
If life was like the Gong Show, this forecast gets gonged!
It’s like spinning the roulette wheel and betting on the black and red at the same time. What’s the point?
Happy sunshine and sad rain clouds.
All in the same freaking box!
And to hedge all bets, weather casters write 30% chance of rain below that.
That means there is a 70% chance that it won’t rain. But there’s still a 30% chance that it will rain. So the weather caster is going to be right either way.
That is crazy!
I mean, all the weather promos tout is Doppler this and Vector that and radar systems that can perform a colonoscopy in my sleep.
It’s all about the technology that predicts the likelihood of atmospheric instability.
And of course when the weather hits, the darker the color the more scared I should be.
If one channel uses red, another channel represents the same part of town with violet. Not to be outdone, in the weather version of Texas Hold em “I‘m all in” the station that wants to scare you the most is the station whose graphics are black. Black like night. Black like the inside of a coffin. Black means assume the position and kiss your backside goodbye!
It’s a battle of the cartoon channel.
Unlike other news anchors, Weather Casters predict the one story that could affect all of us.
So it is particularly irritating when they predict hot and sunny and then the clouds of ferocity dance on your head.
If you’re like me, it is frustrating as heck to slather on a bunch of SPF 50 only to sit down poolside and watch a monster rain cloud sail into the sun, put the big ball of fire in a head lock, and then rain on your parade.
Nice forecast boys!
I understand it’s all about technological fortune telling, but when you are wrong, you are wrong.
Take your atmoshperic Ouija board and go home.
As a reporter, if i say the man is dead, and then you see the dead guy at Pizza Hut later that night having a beer with the fellas, then guess what? I blew it. I was wrong. he’s not dead, just thirsty. Chances are, I get fired for that one. I at least get called into the bosses office and told to assume the position.
But weather casters are Teflon. They are like telegenic John Gotti’s dressed in shimmering suits who can do no wrong.
Predict a sunny day and then it rains like hell, ruining a million picnics, no big deal.
Just get on the tube and blame it on the capricious winds of atmospheric instability.
It was the cosmic alignment of Jupiter and Uranus coupled with a Northern clipper that got lost on its swing out of Canada. Any excuse will apparently work.
With more technology than NASA at their fingertips, you wonder how weather people can blow it so badly. I can live with the blown call, but when they just shrug it off and make you the viewer think that you must have misunderstood the previous night’s forecast, well that’s when I get peeved.
“I thought he said it was going to be nice out?”your significant other spews at the screen.
There should be some consequences.
If i was that wrong at my job, someone would be chewing some ass, probably mine.
Can you imagine a math teacher conducting class like a weather caster.
“Kids, two plus two is 17. “
A couple of phone calls to the principal and that math teacher is canned.
Why? Because two plus two doesn’t equal 17. Not unless you add the 13 shots of Cuervo Gold the teacher powered through to come to that tabulation.
anyway, i love my weather casters. They are good people. They love their maps and colors and gauges and Doppler crap.
But when you are wrong then you are wrong.
Don’t get up there and blame solar flares and global indigestion for the meteorological mishaps.
Take the hit.
After all you guys get credit when you save lives.
Weather casting the future?
Now that’s just crazy.