You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™
Jail House Interviews.
I’ve done a lot of them.
They can go so many ways.
Some guys are crazy, and walk in and stare at you.
“What is this?” they say, even though they agreed to the interview beforehand.
I’ve interviewed perps who were obviously lying to me, telling me they didn’t do it, when the tear drop tattoo on their eye lid gave them away.
I’ve interviewed cons so stupid, they confessed their souls to me, God, their mommas and the local D.A. who is watching this story like a hawk eyeing field mice.
Each jail house interview is different.
It’s like a new shampoo. It essentially cleans your scalp, but the way it smells, the way it tingles, is always excitingly new.
Today I am talking to one of the best interviews I have done behind bars.
This guy is making me laugh. I mean I am laughing. I am laughing so obviously, that I know it is going to look ridiculous that I am interviewing a perp and that perp is making the supposedly stoic news guy laugh.
I stare at my notes and gather myself as the perp surprises me with his affable candor regarding crime that is nothing if not interesting.
Wearing an orange and white jump suit, handcuffs and leg shackles, the inmate tells me that he deliberately stole his bosses truck.
The 51-year-old perp will tell me that his former boss was a bad guy, who didn’t care about his employees, who made his people work too hard.
Because of this, the man says he quit his job as an asphalt striper.
That was over a year ago.
A YEAR AGO.
So why Sunday night? Why did he break into his old place of business, key the bosses $75,000 car and then steal the bosses favorite pick up truck?
“Because I never forget,” he will tell me with a smile.
“Is it worth it?” I ask, looking at his shackles and the guard standing nearby.
“Yes. It was an adrenaline rush,” he says.
I have seen the surveillance video.
The man walks in, opens up the truck door, hooks up a trailer and drives away.
He’s cool as a cucumber.
He steals the pick up truck and then proceeds to drive it with the doors open into the creek.
He doesn’t drive into the creek and get out and let it sink. No, that would be too easy for this clown.
He drives his ex-bosses expensive Dodge 2500 1.5 miles down the creek until the truck is under 5 feet of water and will drive no more.
“Why did you drive down the creek?”
“I like driving down the creek,” he says with a burst of laughter.
It makes me laugh too. It’s such an honest “who gives a F***” response.
I try to regain my composure.
“Did you like driving that truck down the creek?”
“I loved it. It’s his baby and I loved that it was under 4 feet of water.”
And so it goes.
This guy hates his ex boss and he wanted to hurt him. He didn’t want to do it physically, though he tells me he thought about it.
The prisoner tries to explain to me why his former boss is a bad guy who condones drug use and doesn’t care for his employees. He also tells me that he stole the truck while he was high on 50 xanex and he ultimately committed this crime wanting to get caught and be put back in prison.
“I love you,” he says staring into the camera, abruptly changing the mood.
He is talking to his wife.
“She knows I did this so I would get caught and leave her,” he adds.
I don’t even know what to think about this response.
There are so many ways to end a relationship.
Just ask Paul Simon, there are at least 50 ways to leave your lover.
I’m pretty sure not one of those 50 ways includes stealing your bosses truck and driving it into the creek so you’ll be sent back to prison.
Not even Johnny Cash would do that?
I interview the prisoner for about 5 minutes. I laugh. I ponder how crazy he really is. I am glad I can leave.
“Well thanks,” I say.
“Can I use your phone?” he says, again as abrupt as a scream in a confessional.
I look at the guard.
“I don’t think I can authorize you a cell phone call in jail, sir.”
The guard confirms this and the prisoner smiles as he walks down the hall.
His shackles clank and clink as he walks away.
I will talk to his former boss.
He is a quiet man who says he tries to give people a 2nd chance and the prisoner was a hard worker but had questionable characteristics.
“He said you were a bad guy,” I say.
“Well, I’m sitting here and he’s sitting there,” he says. “He’s left a woman at home with no way to provide for herself.”
I thank him and put the story on air.
The interview blows up garnering tens of thousands of views.
Perhaps it is the frivolity of the interview.
Perhaps it is the secret dream of retaliating against your boss.
Few people have the guts or the stupidity to do what this man did.
He will probably go back to the pen.
Hopefully the joy ride down the river in his bosses pick up truck was worth it.
The truck was insured and his wife will ultimately move on.
And he will sit in a jail cell wearing orange and white stripes thinking he is a jailhouse Jay Leno.
Life’s Crazy™