You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy!
Going half a century to find out that she is really a he! That’s perverse and Crazy.
DATELINE: CLEVELAND
BREAKING NEWS: MARY THE FEMALE TURTLE HAS A PENIS!
Zookeepers in Cleveland should all have their zoo keeper badges revoked. They’re trying to laugh off a glaring gender mistake as no big deal. But if you are Mary, it is a big deal.
It turns out that the sex of the Giant Aldabra Tortoise was incorrectly notated decades ago.
Red faced Zoo keepers at the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo explain it this way:
“It can be tough to establish the sex of a giant Aldabra tortoise because the reproductive organs normally aren’t visible. But Mary’s maleness was unexpectedly revealed earlier this month during a routine exam.”
Unexpectedly revealed? What does that mean? They pryed off his pants and took a long hard look?
Trying to deflect embarassment back onto the giant turtle, the Zoo suddenly renamed Mary, Terry. How dumb are these guys?
Good thing the nim rods at the Cleveland Zoo weren’t in charge of building an arc and loading the animals in two by two. Can you imagine Noah’s embarassment.
“Uh God, I gotta tell you. It was a mistake. I mean those testicles looked like turtle ovaries. Really. I’m so sorry. Can we hold off on that rain while we get a girl?.”
I can forgive the gender mistake by an uneducated citizen. But Zoo officials? I mean, if Mary was your family pet that you kept in a dog house in the back yard, and you didn’t have a can opener to pry off her shell to see what sex organs she was sporting, well, I can understand that. Afterall, who cares what sex your giant tortoise is as long as it isn’t eating neighborhood cats or crushing cars in the street.
But a Zoo not knowing the sex of their animal? That’s pretty indefensible. Mary or Terry now, weighs 400-pounds. It’s not like we’re talking gerbil genitalia here. Big animals typically sport big reproductive organs. Have you never seen a horse wake up in the morning with all his glory hanging?
Not only should you zoo guys have known what sex Mary / Terry was based on his size, but just the sheer number of years the reptile has been in your care should have given you zoo idiots a chance to unravel this secret of the tortoise universe.
According to the AP, the turtle arrived at the zoo in 1955. More than 50 years of feeding and bathing and wondering why Mary was never cranking out baby turtles? I’m glad you zoo dummies are not in charge of world peace or getting the federal deficit under a trillion.
Zoo officials tell the AP: “It was assumed he was a she because of a flatter shell, shorter tail and all-around smaller size than most males.”
Well there you have it. Let’s not do the scientific thing and peek under mary’s skirt. Let’s just assume that Mary is a Mary because her shell is shorter.
If I was the Cleveland mayor, I’d pull the funding for these Zoo-morons.
All in all: I wonder how Mary’s husband feels learning this news. After 50 years of being “TOP SHELF” if you know what I mean, He suddenly has some real soul searching to do. And will Zoo staff now permit two male tortoises to co-habitate the same cage? Could get messy.
And that is in deed crazy