You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™
The Red Zone Channel.
That’s 703 on your DirecTV dial.
It’s crack for a football fan.
It’s all the games playing at once.
It’s Andrew Sicilliano, the studio host, monitoring every game going on.
That’s 7 games, 14 teams, simultaneously.
It’s like monitoring 14 blenders, NO TOPS ON, churning all at once. But if you lick the counter tops, covered with fruity, sugary goo, it’s oh so delicious.
The Red Zone Channel.
It’s a symphony of crack back blocks, a concerto of chaos.
It moves so fast that if you blink, you may miss a play.
If a team does something dumb, cool, fantastic, or memorable, The RZC will cut to the play faster than a rabbit procreating.
Siciliano has ears like Dumbo and a quick wit like Seinfeld. He talks over the announcers, quickly telling us what’s going on in the game and why this play is important enough for the RZC to tune in for a moment.
He’s like your history teacher telling you why the Treaty of Versailles was important.
And in case you are wondering, it is the document that ended World War I between Germany and the Allies.
For a fantasy football fanatic, The RZC is that good.
It’s a tornado of grid-iron goodness.
It’s a hurricane of Pig Skin sensationalism.
It’s a football frappe of fun.
The Red Zone Channel is to Sunday what plasma is to a gun shot victim.
It’s life-sustaining.
Yeah, I admit it. I have the attention span of a dust mite at a strip club.
So what?
Even a dust mite needs a lap dance every now and then.
I’m watching on this Sunday and the screen is a hypnotic, alluring graphics package.
The bottom of the screen is filled with fantasy updates.
Scores. Top Performers.
The RZC even warns you what highlight they will be going to next.
That’s like an ice cream truck rolling through a bad neighborhood, music blaring, enticing all the crack heads to come out and buy crack.
The RZC prides itself on never showing a commercial. I mean never
The channel gets down on itself if it even shows a punt.
A punt. It’s part of the game. Not on the RZC.
Punts are for other networks Siciliano will tell us.
The RZC is best in the fourth quarter when all the games are coming down to the wire.
“Let’s go to Miami where it’s fourth and 18” Siciliano will yell.
“Let’s put up 3 games at once” he will bellow, telling us what the down and distance is in each tiny box on the screen.
It’s almost too much.
It’s like sugar for a kid with ADD.
7 hours of full intensity, every play, every game, not missing anything.
You need to urinate?
There are no commercials.
Either miss the action or get a Wizinator.
IT’S JUST THAT SIMPLE.
RZC. You are expensive!
But like fine wine or a high-priced Vegas call girl, you are worth it.
7 hours of total coverage.
RZC, I salute you.
Life’s Crazy™