You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
Super Bowl craziness.
It’s begun! Bigger. Better. Wilder. If there is a descriptive term to describe the hugeness of the event, it will be unveiled over the next 7 days.
The Niners vs the Ravens. In the big Easy. It’s collossal, stellar, ambidextrious!
The Game? That’s just part of the story.
The teams have arrived and every burp, fart and sentence uttered will be reported upon. God Forbid someone stumbles down Bourbon Street with a hurricane in their hand.
Media day is Tuesday. It’s that hard hitting moment where thousands of journalists, some late night producers and Howard Stern crazies will ask ridiculous questions of players standing at podiums.
What’s your favorite color? Do you air dry after showering? What’s your policy on lip synching? Is Ray Lewis for real? Is Alex Smith pissed? How many beads did you get and what did you have to do to get them?
Calm down boy!
The NFL channel is going to vomit Super Bowl imagery to the masses. Hundreds of hours of coverage are promised. It will be wall to wall meconium. Be careful, like a Japanese cartoon, watching too intently might cause seizures.
And then there are the 2 million dollars for 30 second commercials about to be released.
I’m sure Go Daddy Dot com will show me some leg in slow motion.
Danica Patrick will once again capitalize on the fact that she is a decent race car driver who wears a skirt.
I’m sure Cheetos will smear me with orange.
I’m sure the Clydesdales will prance majestically in front of the statue of Liberty.
Papa John’s is all ready promoting.
Peyton Manning and Jim Nance are offering a Super Bowl coin toss offer.
That’s right, all you have to do is log on and vote Heads or Tails and you win a free pizza.
Heads or Tails. Free Pizza. Crazy.
Don’t you wish life was that simple? If you win, you get a free pizza. If you lose, don’t sweat it, a large pizza with all the fixings is only 11 dollars.
What if everyone wins the commercial spokesman asks.
Statistically that is improbable.
Statistically, half will probably win, half will lose, those are the odds.
Economically, everyone wins.
The Super Bowl is all about money. Advertising, broadcasting, partying, traveling.
It’s an American holiday where pig skin and point spreads are celebrated like Christmas.
Jews, Christians, Atheists, Agnostics. Everyone believes in the Super Bowl, even if it’s just for the Hot Wings.
Oh and by the way: Newsflash: There will be a shortage of wings this year.
Something to do with drought in the midwest and a shortage of grain and chickens and who cares.
A shortage of wings for the SuperBowl? Well now the terrorists have won.
That’s like a shortage of Egg Nog in late December.
So buckle up your chin straps America.
Break out your 50 inch screens.
Like a six shooter and hollow points, the Super Bowl hype is loaded in the chamber, the hammer is pulled back and ready to fire.
Prepare yourself for the Big Game Blitz.
It starts tonight and won’t end for another 9 days.
And won’t that be sad when it’s over. All that will be left is golf, professional bowling and basketball.
And that is crazy.