You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy!
The stupid stuff people do every day.
You see stupid everywhere? At the grocery store, at the ball park, at the laundromat.
How about the workplace? Is your co-worker’s biggest problem whether to put their right leg or left leg into their pants first?
How about the open road? That guy behind the wheel of the Lexus SUV. He’s got his his finger crammed up his nose so far he can itch his eye, all the while he’s talking big business on his blue tooth. Maybe Mr. Lexus is smart, but he sure looks stupid.
How about stupid on TV? It’s so prevalent here, I’m surprised their digestive systems even work without prompting. It only takes one segment of Jersey Shore for me to get that queasy feeling in my stomach. Add a Housewives of Orange County to the mix and I’m curled up next to the toilet regurgitating stupid.
I have decided there are more stupid people in this world than non-stupid people. The vast majority of people are so stupid that I can only muster two categories. Stupid and Not-as-Stupid. I suppose there are shades of stupid like anything else, but stupid and not-so-stupid will work for my purposes.
The minute you roll out of bed and say good bye to your significant other, your daily trek of stupid begins.
Sometimes the parade of stupid begins the moment you pull out of your driveway and wave good bye to your neighbor.
Usually it only takes the first traffic light outside the sub division to encounter stupid and lazy and inconsiderate driving. You know this STUPID, he’s the driver with the cell phone in one hand a cup of coffee in the other and a shaver in the other. Wait that’s three hands. Like I said Stupid.
I turn on the news today and what do I see? two 20-year-old kids robbing a bank in Gallatin, Tennessee. This story woke up in the morning stupid. The kids are from good families from the most affluent community in Middle Tennessee. So what do these children of privilege do? They rob a bank! Police say they dress up as Leprechauns on St. Patricks day and rob a bank. Then they get in a shootout with the cops. Both die in a field.
They make the ultimate statement in stupid. You don’t shoot at police! You don’t run into an open field. What a colossal waste!
STUPID!
I have saved stupid stories over the weeks that I wanted to comment on and here are a few selections from the Crazy bible of stupid.
Did you hear the one about the window cleaner who committed suicide by stabbing himself in the groin repeatedly. Not only is that stupid, it makes you wince. Are you ready for the punch line to this stupid tale? The moron killed himself with a a jumbo souvenir pencil. You know the log cabin sized pencil you get in the gift shop of Graceland or DollyWood. When police found the 57 year old moron, he was in a pool of his own stupid blood. How stupid do you have to be to plunge a jumbo pencil into your groin over and over and over till you are dead.
Jeeez! Stabbing yourself to death with a jumbo pencil almost seems stupider than robbing a bank as a member of the Lucky Charms all star team.
Here’s more stupid courtesy the world wide web.
DATELINE: GRETNA, Nebraska
Cops report finding more than 90 videos on YouTube showing David Johnson and his 17 and 19 year old sons smoking pot. Investigators also seized 50 bongs and pipes from Johnson’s house during the January 12th search.
When Mr. Johnson came before the judge, the judge slammed down his gavel and said; “Son are you stupid?”
Mr. Johnson could only look down at his shoes which sadly were untied because he is so stupid he doesn’t know how to tie them. (I just made this part up but it felt right)
More from the stupid bag of tricks:
How bout the two idiots arrested for using a sledge hammer and croquet balls to do $12,000 worth of damage to their apartment. Croquet indoors is not exactly a quiet game, as anyone in the not-so-stupid category would know. So when police came the duo reportedly told the men in blue; “they were turning the apartment into an art gallery.”
Last call everyone. You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here!
Art Gallery? Stupid? Yeah, I think so.
The men reportedly told officers that they used a sledge hammer and croquet balls to perform the demolition as part of a plan to construct a mural and turn the apartment into an art gallery.
Sadly the two idiots were booked into county where the regulars are using more than croquet malets in the shower to show the boys that stupid is as stupid does.
This next story is so stupid it was a ratings bonanza.
DATELINE: SAO PAULO, Brazil
Here’s the set up. There are slew of murders. The one constant in the crimes. The TV reporter who is always first on the scene to get graphic video of the murder victims.
Hey Stupid you listening? Being the first one at the murder scene is called an exclusive.
Being the first person to every murder scene is called: SUSPICIOUS
Police will ultimately arrest Wallace Souza, for being stupid and commissioning at least five murders to boost his TV ratings.
According to police; Souza was trying to prove his claim that Brazil’s Amazon region is awash in violent crime. There aren’t enough real murders in Brazil for you to prove this? Hey Souza you are stupid you give stupid a bad name.
And finally, because you are wondering if you are stupid, stupider, or not stupid at all, I want you to take the following test. It is fun and exactly what you think, a stupid gauge of stupid.
http://www.stupidtester.com/