You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™
The new Apple Watch.
It’s essentially an iphone that you wear on your wrist.
It’s a bulky video square lashed to your body packaged as something new when in reality it’s something tired.
Don’t you have an iPhone now? Don’t you carry your phone with you at all times?
Doesn’t your iphone have a clock?
Oh it does?
The only thing it doesn’t have?
A wrist band. You know why? Because nobody needs to wear an iPhone on their arm.
Hmmmmm?
Doesn’t your iphone have texting and Pandora and facebook?
Oh it does?
Do you really need Twitter to be attached to your body, touching your skin, so close you can feel every tweet?
Doesn’t your iPhone GOOGLE the ether and let you shop on Amazon without even punching in your credit card info?
Oh it does?
Hmmm?
So you need an iPhone smart watch; why?
Oh because it’s new? Because it’s the self proclaimed next best thing?
iphone watch enthusiasts think they are cutting edge techies, but they are really technological wanna be’s.
That’s because the iPhone watch is old made new.
The iphone watch just seems bulky and unnecessary.
You’re all ready holding an iPhone.
It fits in your pocket, you can lay it on the counter, you can hold it in your hand like a golden ticket.
Do we need an iphone for our wrist?
Do we?
I guess I’m prehistoric.
I’m the technological old man who screams get your damn iphone watch off my lawn.
I’m the new product billy goat gruff who lives under the bridge and flosses his teeth with old shoe laces and wires thrown out from Bankrupt Radio Shack stores.
“Get your damned iphone watch and go to hell,” I scream from my dumpster of closed ideas.
The new iphone watch is shiny and bright. It looks like a tiny 3 ring circus on your wrist.
It’s bulky and bright and will hypnotize brain dead monkeys in the zoo if you wish.
Who needs a watch that surfs the internet?
Dick Tracy? George Jetson? Apparently everyone does.
It’s a phone that you can only operate with one hand.
Perhaps it will be harder to drop in the toilet.
It’s called the Smart Watch.
I think it’s smart for apple.
They company keeps selling new versions of the same thing and people stand in line to buy this stuff.
The company is a license to print money. No matter what they make, people must have.
It’s as if the world is hypnotized with a downloadable patch from Apple’s Mother ship.
“You must buy our latest product,” the secret sauce of mind control says.
Today 100 people lined up outside of the Sydney Apple Store to simply get a peek.
“This is the way of the future — the sort of information we can get from these watches,” Adam Goodes, 35, a professional Australian football player with the Sydney Swans, said as he stood near a table displaying the timepieces. “I definitely think it could make life a little bit easier.”
Life easier, he ruminates.
How much easier could it make your life? Really? tell me.
The watches sell for $350 to $17,000.
Dropping $17,000 dollars on a watch doesn’t ever make my life easier. In fact it makes me want to call a 12 step program and surrender myself to the men with the white suits and butterfly nets.
Apple estimates it could sell 8 million smart watches this year.
That’s 4.5 billion dollars.
Apple should donate all that money to the home for wayward tech junkies.
They won’t.
And soon we’ll be reading about the latest crime trend where gangs of marauding thieves run through congested cities knocking hipsters unconscious to steal their new smart watch.
Mark my words.
Smart Watch thefts coming to a coffee house near you.
Now that’s smart.
Life’s Crazy™