You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.
Blue lights in your rear view.
Man it’s scary.
It’s dark and you’re fiddling around with the radio and then all of a sudden:
Woooooooooo!
You get lit up.
Blue and white spinning lights, painting the darkness.
It’s blinding.
It’s a rolling seizure.
It’s a visual carnival where bad clowns attack you in your dreams.
WTF?
It’s a visual cortex over-load.
Your pupils bug out of your head.
Your skin gets tight, your breathing shallow.
Some one get me an EKG paddle.
The lights are swirling in the mirrors and bouncing off my skull.
The light is piercing, almost causing me pain.
I feel blue and white swirling tornados of panic racing through my brain.
Oh Crap. What’d I do?
I am hoping the cop just wants to blow by me and get someone else.
I pull over.
Damn. the blue lights follow.
The rush of panic fills the cockpit of my car.
The lights are swirling around the interior of the vehicle. It is wildly disorienting. It’s like a disco without the body shots.
What’d I do? I wonder.
The speed limit is 45 mph. I was driving 45 mph.
I haven’t been drinking s I’m not drunk. I wasn’t weaving. I wasn’t texting.
WTF?
I undo my seat belt and try not to make any sudden moves.
What if he thinks I’m armed.
I need to relax, just move slow.
Think.
I open the window.
Frosty air rushes into the car.
The cool air feels good. I hope it will relax me.
I watch in my side view mirror as the officer approaches. He is a shadow walking through a blue and white menagerie.
I exhale. I can see my breath in the lights filling my car.
It’s blue and pulsing and cold.
This is what hell feels like in the Winter, I think.
The officer is cautious as he slides up the side of my car.
What’s he thinking.
Did he watch the news today.
2 NYPD officers gunned down, executed in their squad car.
It has me on edge.
Is he jittery? Is his hand on his holster?
It’s touch to be a cop approaching the uknown.
I know I’m not a terrorist, a crazy man. But he doesn’t.
The unknown creates tension.
I see other motorists driving by.
They are watching, looking, wondering what the bad man did.
I slowly open the glove box and pull out a stack of paper.
OMG.
What the hell is all this.
Papers and registration and insurance from multiple years are stacked on top of each other.
It’s like I have the encyclopedia Britanica of documents in the glove box.
All I want is my registration.
What the hell does that look like?
I am beginning to panic as he reaches the window.
“license and registration sir”
“yes sir,” I say deciding what to do next.
This moment began 5 minutes ago.
I am driving home on a dark road near my house.
I know there’s a cop behind me. He was in a driveway and I watched him pull in behind me.
I was hoping he would pull off or go chase someone.
But he just stayed on my bumper, lurking, like a bullet proof vest wearing shark.
I’m trying to stay calm, knowing that I have done and will do nothing wrong.
But it’s unsettling, and there’s nothing I can do.
I exhale and put my hand on the wheel.
Ten and Two. Relax.
Cars are on both sides of me. They appear to are driving less effectively than me.
Go get them I think to myself wondering why this cop is crowding my bumper.
I think about turning right, turning left. Making myself less conspicuous.
My mind is racing. If I deviate course, that might look suspicious and he’s going to light me up anyway.
Stay the course, I think. You are OK. You are driving well and not breaking any laws.
I think.
I look up in my rear view. It’s dark. He’s so close to my rear end, I can’t even see his headlights.
What the hell. Back off law man.
I’m 1/2 a mile from my house. I can see my light, just ease into the left turn lane, I think.
WOOOOOOOO.
Blue and white lights fill my vision.
I feel my heart in my throat.
What?
What did I do?
I hand the officer a stack of papers.
I’m flustered and my eyes are bad and I’m trying to read in a kaleidoscope.
“I’m stopping you because your license plate lights are burned out. It’s a new law.”
I show him my stack of papers.
Is any of this what you need. I feel like a dope.
“That’s it he says taking the top paper.
I’ll be right back.
I sit in the car and watch the blue lights swirl.
A thousand things go through my head.
Will I get a ticket? What a bogus stop? What if I had drank a beer with dinner?
The officer returns. My license and registration are in order.
“I’m going to give you a warning,” he says. “It’s a new law and the fine here in the city is $127.00”
What a ridiculous stop I think to myself.
“Thanks for the warning,” I say.
“OK, well drive safely,” he says.
I buckle my belt, and accelerate away from the blue lights that have been causing me to have a mini seizure for the last 10 minutes.
It’s a wake up call that life can change in a moment.
What if is strong in my thoughts as I pull into my garage.
I get out and I see that my bulbs are burned out.
2 $5.00 bulbs cause me so much trouble.
I am frustrated but glad to be home.
My house is filed with the quiet tranquility of christmas lights blinking.
It’s soothing. Relaxing. Hopefully a big jolly elf in a sleigh doesn’t show up in my living room.
Life’s Crazy.