You know what’s crazy? I’ll tel you what’s crazy™
Miley Cyrus.
Diva? Talent? Train Wreck?
Turn on the TV now-a-days and it’s all Miley All the time.
It’s like MC TV.
Why is she this month’s IT girl?
Because she can take off her clothes and generate faux sexuality.
Is it real? Or Is this former Disney Queen a pre-packaged P.R. machine?
As I watch another ridiculous report on this 20-year-old, I can’t help but think I’m watching a weak remake of Brittney Spears who ripped off Madonna. Now it’s Miley Cyrus, a wannabe, watered down retread of these pop divas.
No more Hannah Montana, Disney fun and squeaky clean. She is a sexually provocative 20-year-old re-inventing herself, gyrating like a sex kitten on a gigantic wrecking ball. She is more erotically charged than a sex shop in Amsterdam.
MC came into recent prominence at the MTV video awards. That’s when she bent over surrounded by leering, spooky Teddy Bears. Miley stuck out her tongue and undulated near the camera. She wore a seductive outfit that fit her like dental floss fits a tooth crevice.
Miley Cyrus is the queen of Twerking. An electrified shimmy that leaves little to the imagination.
If I was Miley Cyrus’ ass, I’d go on strike. I would protest the gross commercialism, the dirty stares not to mention the drafty work conditions.
In the last 2 weeks Miley Cyrus has faked a sexual act with just about anyone walking behind her, whether it’s a pop star, a boy band, or the maitre d at a restaurant.
“Will your ass be joining you for dinner Ms Cyrus?”
Miley Cyrus is a cute girl. You just can’t tell because of the Herman Munster make over she has given herself.
Her hair is styled by Cutco knives, more wanton than a Chinese restaurant with multiple health violations.
Her tongue is longer than a sea serpent. This protruding oral muscle extends out of her mouth more than a forked tongue at a Kiss Concert.
Is she looking for press? She is certainly getting it. Is she looking for her adult self? Seems like she’s found soft gum stuck to an old shoe. Is she reinventing her style? Pop culture?
Seems like a re-tread of everything that has been done before.
Is Miley Cyrus more shocking than Jim Morrison singing “Light my Fire” on Ed Sullivan?
No.
We’re just a starry-eyed populace that can’t get enough, even if enough is terribly untalented.
Riddle me this Batman: Is she really a twerking lizard woman who swings on wrecking balls stuffed between her legs?
I think she has tapped into a proven paradigm of pop culture success. Shock and awe equates to You Tube hits.
So I’m watching Miley Cyrus on Saturday Night Live and I can’t help but feel, well uncomfortable.
Perhaps I’m getting old. Perhaps she is just this nauseating. Perhaps it’s a little of both.
Whatever she is doing, fake or rehearsed, or pre-planned publicity bonanza, I find myself not enjoying it.
Obviously I’m an island of one.
abc news just reported that MC’s wrecking ball video has topped 200 million hits.
200 million? That’s more plankton than a sperm whale gobbles up at a noon feeding.
As a friend of mine likes to say; Sheesh!
abc did a story on Miley Cyrus. A hard-hitting pop culture investigation — NOT.
They call MC a spectacle.
“She baffles us,” the reporter muses.
“She shocks us and entertains us,” He adds.
“I’m 20 years old and I need freedom to make some mistakes,” she says from the high holy pulpit of SNL, a comedic cultural bell weather for this nation.
A New York Times reporter praised MC saying “those bold choices have helped Ms. Cyrus fill the void of female pop idols”
Another critic says “anyone who thinks she is a train wreck is wrong.”
“And she won’t tone it down,” the announcer concludes.
Wow. chilling reporting.
The segment concludes with another close up of MC licking a sledge-hammer.
“Yummy”
Then something interesting.
The pop culture report contrasts a TV show in Norway.
The show is 12 hours of a log burning in a fire-place in prime time.
AND IT’S A HUGE HIT!
Crazy Ass Norwegians.
Just when you think MC is the new standard for entertainment, we find out, at least in Norway, it’s fire.
The primordial flame, the warmth, the glow, the magic attraction that keeps your eyes riveted to the screen.
Fire.
Fire has been Twerking for 1 billion years. Fire has always undulated with a rhythmic pulse that is hypnotic and at the same time sexual.
Fire is hot!
Naked and sexual and comforting and prehistorically soothing.
Fire is everything MC hopes to be and it doesn’t swing on a wrecking ball to shock me into watching.
So while MC is a re-tread, a true what’s old is new again, story….
Norwegians remind us that all we have to do is change the channel.
Next up.
Dandelion TV.
It’s all Dandelions all the time.
The story of a proud flower and it’s battle against crows and the elements and the neighbor’s weed eater.
Twerk that Miley Cyrus.
Life’s Crazy™